idk whats going on with me today but i am having a super emotional moment.
woke up this morning and did some p90x3 pilates, ate breakfast and headed to the beach to run. im training for my second half marathon and i had to do 4 miles today. i decided the weather was too nice to do it on the treadmill & off to the beach i went. knowing spring break is amongst us, i decided to wear my disclaimer "i lost 142lbs" pants so i could run in a sports bra without feeling too embarrassed. only one girl that i noticed gave me disgusting face. i like to think her face was just stuck like that. if im running facing you, you wouldnt see the disclaimer and that was the situation with her. i think that she was staring hard enough that she'd break her neck as we passed each other, and then she would see my disclaimer, and feel like a moron for judging me.
anyways, we made eye contact. i know she was looking at me, and it kind of made me a little insecure. people look all the time, but its not often i catch someone with the look of disgust on their face. but i kept running.
i was almost at the 2 mile turn around mark and i saw a big (prob between 350/400lbs) guy jogging along. OH HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME!! as we passed eachother i put my hand out to give him a high 5. i made it to the 2 mile mark, turned around and as i was passing him again i patted him on the back and said "keep up the great work!" he smiled at me. i kept running and even with my headphones on i could heard him say "142lbs?! WOW" so i turned around and yelled back " YOU CAN DO IT!!!" and it was like a burst of energy came thru me. i suddenly remembered why i am running around half naked with my sag and flab exposed. i have people to inspire. i cant inspire people who dont know my story. if people who need inspiring just see me running in a normal outfit most likely theyre thinking "i wish i was a runner...." however, when they know you were NOT A RUNNER EITHER- seeing you run suddenly means something a lot different to them. so whether its emabarassing or not, whether people look at me crazy or not, i need to keep it up. if the guy i "ran into" today continues on his path to health for one more day because he met me, my mission for the day is accomplished.
i finished my run and i got some balls and asked a stranger on the beach to video tape me running for a minute so i could put it on my IG. he was also a big guy, told me he was from buffalo, and asked me how i did it, and congratulated me. i gave him my card and thanked him for his help, and off her went. i took a nice dip in the ocean and it was amazing.
on my way home was when i had my moment. it occurred to me that i am literally building and molding the life i have always dreamed of. maybe not the fitness part- i never dreamed of being fit because i was convinced i couldnt lose more than 100lbs so it wasnt worth trying and i would probably always be fat and die at 60 and i was OK with that. however, i always wanted to live by the beach. i always wanted to work for myself. i always wanted to not worry about whether or not i can afford to pay my bills. ive always dreamed that some way, some how, some day, i was going to finally be happy. everything ive ever wanted (and MORE!) is manifesting before my eyes. ive never said this before, but i am SO GLAD living in Los Angeles didn't work out for me. had that worked out i wouldve never ended up where i am or WHO i am. i am not a home owner yet. i still want surgery. i need a new car. i still have some student loans to pay off.... but i'm not feeling down about it at all. i know its only a matter of time before those things happen. i lived so much of my life feeling like likfe just isnt fair and if youre dealt shitty cards (like me) youre screwed. i feel so POWERFUL to know that everything i want is IN MY CONTROL. its up to me. if i want it, i can have it. theres not a person or situation that can stop me!
woke up this morning and did some p90x3 pilates, ate breakfast and headed to the beach to run. im training for my second half marathon and i had to do 4 miles today. i decided the weather was too nice to do it on the treadmill & off to the beach i went. knowing spring break is amongst us, i decided to wear my disclaimer "i lost 142lbs" pants so i could run in a sports bra without feeling too embarrassed. only one girl that i noticed gave me disgusting face. i like to think her face was just stuck like that. if im running facing you, you wouldnt see the disclaimer and that was the situation with her. i think that she was staring hard enough that she'd break her neck as we passed each other, and then she would see my disclaimer, and feel like a moron for judging me.
anyways, we made eye contact. i know she was looking at me, and it kind of made me a little insecure. people look all the time, but its not often i catch someone with the look of disgust on their face. but i kept running.
i was almost at the 2 mile turn around mark and i saw a big (prob between 350/400lbs) guy jogging along. OH HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME!! as we passed eachother i put my hand out to give him a high 5. i made it to the 2 mile mark, turned around and as i was passing him again i patted him on the back and said "keep up the great work!" he smiled at me. i kept running and even with my headphones on i could heard him say "142lbs?! WOW" so i turned around and yelled back " YOU CAN DO IT!!!" and it was like a burst of energy came thru me. i suddenly remembered why i am running around half naked with my sag and flab exposed. i have people to inspire. i cant inspire people who dont know my story. if people who need inspiring just see me running in a normal outfit most likely theyre thinking "i wish i was a runner...." however, when they know you were NOT A RUNNER EITHER- seeing you run suddenly means something a lot different to them. so whether its emabarassing or not, whether people look at me crazy or not, i need to keep it up. if the guy i "ran into" today continues on his path to health for one more day because he met me, my mission for the day is accomplished.
i finished my run and i got some balls and asked a stranger on the beach to video tape me running for a minute so i could put it on my IG. he was also a big guy, told me he was from buffalo, and asked me how i did it, and congratulated me. i gave him my card and thanked him for his help, and off her went. i took a nice dip in the ocean and it was amazing.
on my way home was when i had my moment. it occurred to me that i am literally building and molding the life i have always dreamed of. maybe not the fitness part- i never dreamed of being fit because i was convinced i couldnt lose more than 100lbs so it wasnt worth trying and i would probably always be fat and die at 60 and i was OK with that. however, i always wanted to live by the beach. i always wanted to work for myself. i always wanted to not worry about whether or not i can afford to pay my bills. ive always dreamed that some way, some how, some day, i was going to finally be happy. everything ive ever wanted (and MORE!) is manifesting before my eyes. ive never said this before, but i am SO GLAD living in Los Angeles didn't work out for me. had that worked out i wouldve never ended up where i am or WHO i am. i am not a home owner yet. i still want surgery. i need a new car. i still have some student loans to pay off.... but i'm not feeling down about it at all. i know its only a matter of time before those things happen. i lived so much of my life feeling like likfe just isnt fair and if youre dealt shitty cards (like me) youre screwed. i feel so POWERFUL to know that everything i want is IN MY CONTROL. its up to me. if i want it, i can have it. theres not a person or situation that can stop me!