woke up this morning and did some p90x3 pilates, ate breakfast and headed to the beach to run. im training for my second half marathon and i had to do 4 miles today. i decided the weather was too nice to do it on the treadmill & off to the beach i went. knowing spring break is amongst us, i decided to wear my disclaimer "i lost 142lbs" pants so i could run in a sports bra without feeling too embarrassed. only one girl that i noticed gave me disgusting face. i like to think her face was just stuck like that. if im running facing you, you wouldnt see the disclaimer and that was the situation with her. i think that she was staring hard enough that she'd break her neck as we passed each other, and then she would see my disclaimer, and feel like a moron for judging me.
anyways, we made eye contact. i know she was looking at me, and it kind of made me a little insecure. people look all the time, but its not often i catch someone with the look of disgust on their face. but i kept running.
i was almost at the 2 mile turn around mark and i saw a big (prob between 350/400lbs) guy jogging along. OH HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME!! as we passed eachother i put my hand out to give him a high 5. i made it to the 2 mile mark, turned around and as i was passing him again i patted him on the back and said "keep up the great work!" he smiled at me. i kept running and even with my headphones on i could heard him say "142lbs?! WOW" so i turned around and yelled back " YOU CAN DO IT!!!" and it was like a burst of energy came thru me. i suddenly remembered why i am running around half naked with my sag and flab exposed. i have people to inspire. i cant inspire people who dont know my story. if people who need inspiring just see me running in a normal outfit most likely theyre thinking "i wish i was a runner...." however, when they know you were NOT A RUNNER EITHER- seeing you run suddenly means something a lot different to them. so whether its emabarassing or not, whether people look at me crazy or not, i need to keep it up. if the guy i "ran into" today continues on his path to health for one more day because he met me, my mission for the day is accomplished.
i finished my run and i got some balls and asked a stranger on the beach to video tape me running for a minute so i could put it on my IG. he was also a big guy, told me he was from buffalo, and asked me how i did it, and congratulated me. i gave him my card and thanked him for his help, and off her went. i took a nice dip in the ocean and it was amazing.
on my way home was when i had my moment. it occurred to me that i am literally building and molding the life i have always dreamed of. maybe not the fitness part- i never dreamed of being fit because i was convinced i couldnt lose more than 100lbs so it wasnt worth trying and i would probably always be fat and die at 60 and i was OK with that. however, i always wanted to live by the beach. i always wanted to work for myself. i always wanted to not worry about whether or not i can afford to pay my bills. ive always dreamed that some way, some how, some day, i was going to finally be happy. everything ive ever wanted (and MORE!) is manifesting before my eyes. ive never said this before, but i am SO GLAD living in Los Angeles didn't work out for me. had that worked out i wouldve never ended up where i am or WHO i am. i am not a home owner yet. i still want surgery. i need a new car. i still have some student loans to pay off.... but i'm not feeling down about it at all. i know its only a matter of time before those things happen. i lived so much of my life feeling like likfe just isnt fair and if youre dealt shitty cards (like me) youre screwed. i feel so POWERFUL to know that everything i want is IN MY CONTROL. its up to me. if i want it, i can have it. theres not a person or situation that can stop me!