i was talking with my new neighbor ( i moved just over a week ago) and we got on the topic of health and weight loss and before i had the opportunity to metion ive lost over 100lbs he began giving me tips about how I can lose weight and get healthier.
this is what i was talking about when i said people who dont know i was fat still look at me and think im fat... this guy (who is actually a really sweet and intelligent old man)may not have realized it but he reassured me to the outside world i still look fat and need to lose weight. so if you want to lose 100lbs folks- dont let your motivation be not wanting to be told youre fat or need to lose weight anymore. because unless you become societys ideal size (skinnny) there are going to be people who think youre still a cow.
i came in the house after that lovely conversation to finish a conversation on FB with an ex co-worker from my very first hair salon in MA. we had been talking about what a BITCH our old boss was and is and when i got back she told me " ashley i never wanted to tell you this but she used to talk shit about your clothes and you being fat beind your back all the time."
this is the woman whos been calling me a bad hairdresser since the first time i got a check bigger than hers probably. this is the woman who still talks about how ill "never be successful" even though i was one of the top 3 busiest hairdressers while I worked there. its 5 years later and i am nationally published in print, have been on national television styling hair, and am currently filming a reality tv show at the salon i work for..... OF COURSE she has a problem with my body too.
I do not know why i am so offended. i guess i was already sensative from the convo with my neighbor to hear that this bitch said that makes my blood boil.
if youve never heard of TORRID its a plus size clothing store. its the BEST plus size clothing store actually. this is no lane bryant. these are fashionable and super cute clothes for size 12-28. the same time i worked at the salon with this bitch manager I worked at torrid too. I got a sweeeet discount and spent my entire check on clothes. their clothes are not cheap ($28 tshirts, $70jeans). i worked there to shop there. on top of that my mother has spent thousands of dollars shopping with me there. I NEVER went to work looking trashy or frumpy. I NEVER went to work in clothes that didnt fit me. My bellly was NEVER exposed. My boobs were.... are fat girls not allowed to have cleavage?? if so i am guilty on that one. I ALWAYS buy pants that fit no matter how large the size- so there was no rolls/muffin top either.
The point is a whoooooooooole lot of time and a whole lot of money was put into giving me a professional wardrobe to start my career. i took pride in my appearance and actually felt really good when i was at work. To think the whole time this bitch was talking crap about how i looked makes me FURIOUS. no matter how big i was i ALWAYS took pride in my appearance.
Maria is not the only person to ever have an issue with my wardrobe. I think the world would prefer if fat people would all wear moomoos and garbage bags. However when I was in that body, I was proud of that body. So why would I want to hide it by wearing a curtain?! I guess the idea is that if your clothes are loose you will look like a big fat blob instead of the world seeing the definition of your fat? I mean, in my opinion those people look like a fat blob who doesn't care about themselves and I looked like a fat woman who had nothing to hide. Was I wrong for that? Since when is what others think supposed to matter? When I wore loose frumpy clothes I felt like a frumpy flat slob. When I wore fitted clothes I felt put together, and in some outfits sexy. Whether anyone else agreed didn't matter because it made ME feel good. So, if in order to get my self esteem to the point where I could fuckin kick ass at life, i had to sacrifice a few closed minds disliking my wardrobe, I guess I'm ok with that.
lets talk about the bitch for a moment. Her name is Maria. he's been the manager at a salon in Massachusetts for about 30 years. She treats most of her employees like shit- feel free to send her nonthreatening hate mail.
First of all id like to say FUCK YOU MARIA. you dont like how i dress? you wouldnt know fashion if it hit you over the head with a 20ft pole. You dont like that i am fat? then you may want to break every reflective surface your 300lb body walks past. You think i will never be successful because i move around too much? well then i guess sitting on your ass at a chain mall salon making 50% commission for 30 years must make you a REAL WINNER.
is it me? or does anyone else think MARIA IS A HATER. by 65 you should be over JEALOUSY and learn to be HAPPY. but youre an evil old c$@! who does nothing but trash her employees (esp those who are not portugese).
YOU FUCKING WISH you could have my success.
YOU FUCKING WISH you could have my wardrobe.
YOU FUCKING WISH you could have my talent.
YOU FUCKING WISH you could have my drive.
YOU FUCKING WISH you had lived a life more like MINE.
i am not the type to normally blame people not liking me on jealousy. but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck its prob a duck!
i havent seen this woman in 4 years and she STILL feels the desire to talk about me. I get along with people well, Maria. Do you think because i dont work there anymore i no longer have relationships with my old co workers? i still go to dinner with some of those people every 2 mons when i go home! some of the people she talks about me to i have known for 10 years! another is my FAMILY. IT WILL GET BACK TO ME.
THIS is Ms. Perfect size, talent, fashion sense herself, and this is actually a flattering picture (she normally wears prints, you know, typical plus size bullshit)
I forgive you for the terrible things you say about me. I realize that in order for you to be so critical and hurtful to others there are very deeply rooted issues within you. Your life may not have turned out as you dreamed of but its time to either accept or improve..... the path youve chosen- tearing apart others- is never going to make you a happier person. you have many wonderful qualities but the ones you choose to highlight over shadow them. my uncle once shared this quote with me:
'everyone is born with a good wolf and a bad wolf inside of them. as we become adults one wolf will kill off the other and define how we treat people. the one that will win is who we feed the most. who are you feeding?'
my advice is to begin to feed the other wolf. it is never too late to learn to love others, to love life, and most importantly love yourself. your hatred has nothing to do with me. I will hope and I will pray that before your life passes you by you can learn to treat others how you wish to be treated- not necessarily how youve been treated. I am still learning everyday.... had i learned it all already i wouldnt have even written the first part of this post. I appreciate you for helping me to see flaws in myself, even tho they may not be the flaws youve pointed out.
I wish you health, I wish you happiness, and I wish that one day youll have peace in your mind and heart so that you dont have to feel so judgmental toward others.