So i just got back from being out of town late tuesday night! i went to MA for 10 whole days.... typically i only go out of town for about 5 but this time i had a lot to do and a short trip was not going to cut it. i got a lot acciomplished but i also got a lot of visiting in. it was a great trip.
my flight home, however, was a frieken wreck. i mean, the plane didnt crash so it wasnt the worse case scenario but my flight was delayed an hour and a half. then they finally put us on the plane only to leave us there sweating for 2 hours. i live in MIAMI, i slept on couches with no AC during a heat wave all week and was fine- and i was sweating on this plane- if you can imagine how damn hot it was. it put me in a really bad mood. although i ate well during my trip it made me feel like eating some bad food.... my logic was "im getting back into normal routine tomorrow, might as well get it over with today" and when i got home i ordered a pizza. i got light cheese and actually only ordered a small rather than a large. but sure enough, i was bloated and pregnant looking the next day and it did not motivate me to do better. ive been binging since tuesday night. and even worse than binging, its like only a 50% vegan binge which makes it even worse. im eating chemicals, im eating daiiry, im eating fried food. i should be embarassed. well shit, i am embarassed. so im embarassing myself publicly so maybe ill get a fucking grip and get back on track in the morning, as planned. but for now i will blog about my vacation and eat this vanilla soft serve.
im really going to regret that tomorrow.... i already regret everything ive eaten over the past few days, but i just keep face stuffing! i had a small papajohns pizza, an entire bag of sweet chili doritos (they ARE vegan), a bag of soy nuts, a milky way, a whopper jr minus the beef, a medium fry, a soft serve cone, a cup of soft serve, a 12oz cherry icee, a snickers, 2 veggie burgers, a salad, 3 glasses of shakeology, vegan mac n cheese, an english muffin pizza, a snack size bag of fritos...... IN 3 DAYS. good god. this is terrible. i cannot even believe i am admitting this! but part of the reason i began this blog was to hold me accountable and that what im doing. owning up to the fact that ive eaten like complete shit for 3.5 days. I also want everyone who looks up to me to know that i am not perfect. i have bad days, or bad half weeks. i fuck up too. but its not over. i mean, this binge is over as soon as i finish this icecream.... but everything ive worked for has not been lost. itll prob take me 2 weeks to flatten my belly back out- everything i eat shows in my belly... ill look like im in the end of my first trimester for the weekend, but im done. i have allowed myself to fuck up, i conciously made the decision to fuck up, and im deciding its time to get my shit back together right now. i notice much less results if i dont have a numerical goal to hit- which is terrible because its about so much more than the number. but this is what works for me right now. i am so close (4lbs away) from being in the 150s. im sure ive put on atleast 2lbs in the last few days. so i have about 6lbs to lose to reach that goal. i am going to set a goal of hitting 159 in two weeks. well, i like to weigh in on mondays to keep me on track over the weekend, but im starting tomorrow, so 16 days. Mark my words, on or before august 12th i will be in the 150s.
its so sick what a terrible disease obesity and food addiction are. i am bloated. i have cramps. i am sure i will have a combination of diarrhea and constipation by the morning. i have a terrible headache, and i just feel like a fat slob. all because of terrible food choices. bob harper from the biggest loser once said "what are you going to do? eat yourself into a food coma?" to one of the contestants wanting to binge. thats exactly what i did last night. i was so full and on chemical and carb overload i literally felt sick and almost high... not like a good high, like a "omg i just need to sleep this off" high. like i was dreaming. i was literally becoming dilusional. and woke up an hour later to shit my brains out. but its over. i am done and i am going back to living my new normal tomorrow. i used to eat like this- except worse- every single day. i have no idea how the fuck i did that because i feel like SHIT right now.... but i guess i felt like shit a whole lot back then too.
ok, now really, about my vacation.
i got there on saturday night and didnt do much but hit up the grocery store and sleep. at the ass crack of dawn the next day me and alycia (one of my bffs from childhood- she has a year old baby) took the drive up to haverhill to run in the 5k Foam Fest. it was cool- a mud run but there were a bunch of moon bounces and slip and slides filled with bubbles. it was realllllly fun and actually not that hard. there were no challenges i couldnt do and not even any i had to try more than once. the worst part was that there were SOOOOO many hills. running up the hills, especially in that heat and while youre exhausted from climbing and jumping on stuff, was NOT easy. but we didnt quit. there was one hill that made me vocalize 'WHAT THE FUCK' and alycia responded, short of breath and prob needing her inhaler ' were about to kick that hills ass' and took off jogging up it. i followed and we finished the race without ever walking for more than a couple feet at a time. it was really cool because alycia has always been an athlete. as long as i can remember ive gone to her soccer and basketball games. dont get me wrong- i played for a few years as a kid but i sucked and quit. alycia was on traveling teams and stuff. it used to make me really sad because i wanted to play, i just was no good so i was embarassed. i remember one year i was camping with alycia and her family was playing basketball. someone asked me if i wanted to play and alycia answered "no" for me. i know she was trying to save me the embarassment, but it made me SO sad. i did want to play. but i didnt want to mess up the game for everyone else. i didnt want to be the weak link and the reason the losing team lost, so i sat on the sidelines and watched. i was probably like 12. but shit like that kept me from stepping out of my comfort zone and saying 'im not good at it, but im doing it anyway'. alycia was pregnant while i was losing weight, and got to experience what its like to be overweight just as i was getting normal. now shes been able to use ME as motivation to lose her baby weight- which she did (she was at her pre baby weight prior to her daughters first birthday) whenever i go home we do some kind of fun and athletic activity. back in feb we went rock climbing, now we did a foam/mud 5k. its really awesome to be doing fitness shit WITH her rather than watching her for once.
after the race we got free mikes hard lemonade- which i happily indulged in. suprisingly they had a vegan stirfry on the menu- so i ordered one of those when we decided to eat before we hit the road again. that night i had dinner with the girls i was in cosmetology with. its funny because we used to eat at restraunts but then after 2 babies joined our family we started to meet at the house of one of the milfs and we'd each bring a dish. the dishes used to be wings and shit, but now were on a whole new level. this dinner consisted of anitpasto, fruit salad, pita bread with hummus and tabbouli, and whole wheat pasta salad. it seems like everyone around me is trying to get fit and i absolutely love it.
the next day i did hair all day and finished just in time to meet my friends erika and newton for Zumba. i really really really miss my zumba class here in miami. my teacher had a baby so we couldnt zumba for months. she just got cleared to work out a few weeks ago, so hopefully class resumes soon. i NEED it in my life!!! after zumba i slept over erika and joeys (the same erika that i posted about with all her muscles a few weeks ago- joey is her fiance) and erika prepared vegan portuguese jag for dinner! its basically normal portugee jag but with vegan chourico! who knew they make that shit! chourico is practically a food group where i come from (heavy portugese population) so it makes sense theyd have it in vegan there, unfortunately i havent seen it here. anyways- it was deliciiiiiious.
the next day i spent the entire day in the pool and in the yard with my neices and nephew. it was an awesome family day. around 3om i even took some time out to go for a run around my hometown. i did 2 miles and happen to run past the houses that two kids who used to make fun of me grew up in. one kid became a marine and mustve had a near death experience or something becuase he messaged me on facebook last year to apologize for picking on me. he remembered specific incidents (a birthday party- in particular) that i dont even remember. the other kid never apologized and i dont really care because now when i think about it i can LOL- he prob still hates himself to this day. his dad made fun of me at one point too, and when my mom called his parents the mom was too busy cooking dinner to have a conversation about it. i will never stop considering that family scum. i hope they know this is about them. anyway- as i passed those two houses i threw my middle fingers in the air and screamed "WHOS LAUGHING NOW BITCHES!!!!!?" im 100% sure i looked crazy, but no one was really around but the cars driving by.... i didnt care. it was therapy for me. i forgive the kid who apologized. the other one can fuck himself all the way to the grave for all i care. i dont care if thats harsh. people like him literally made me want to kill myself for 3/4 of my life because they HAD to say how they felt about how i looked. well now i HAVE to say how i feel about you- and i feel like you should go fuck yourself.
that night i went to the movies with my brother and sister. i havent been to a movie theater in years. it was amazing to realize movie theater seats arent as uncomfortable as i thought. it was also sweet to realize i had self control- i brought a water and didnt eat any movie theater snacks.
the next day i had a few appointments and then ran a few errands and met my friends allison and katie for dinner. ive known katie since preschool and allison since 6th grade. katie has always been skinny and super hot, but started working out recently with her new boyfriend. he has her into weights and shes looking better than ever. allison was a skinny kid but has put on some weight in adulthood- shes trying to lose it now so i figured a healthy place was calling for us. we wet to this little spot called "the healthy grille" in dartmouth, ma. i had been there before and it was awesome. fast forward to now and it sucks. i guess they just call it the healthy grille because the menu was barely healthy. the only vegan options were 3 different kinds of tofu... not even a veggie burger. not what youd expect at a place called the healthy grill... i ended up getting the taco salad and the chef was willing to susbtitute the beef for tofu. it actaully ended up being a really good salad. i would order it again for takeout if i was in the area, but the place wasnt all that and the atmosphere was even less appealing.
after dinner i met erika and lindsey for hip hop yoga at HOPE yoga studio in dartmouth. it was awesome because it was my cosmetology teacher's daughters class! it is like super loud hip hop playing in a 100degree room. the yoga was FAST. ive never sweat so much in life.... i dont know how more people werent slipping and sliding while trying to hold some of the poses. it was HARD. after that i went for a mile run around the area. that night i went to karaoke and for drinks. i had one vodka on the rocks- fuck those juice calories.
thursday was hair all day. i did hair at my moms this time around. it was awesome becuase i spent more time with her than ever before but also- i am comfortable enough to use her kitchen so i was able to make REAL food during my stay. i had made a huge batch of tabbouli ( my new favorite lol) and mom bought me a ton of organic fruits and veggies. it was so sweet becuase i know she doesnt even buy that for herself, but she bought it for me. i wouldve been fine without it for a week but my mom wanted to make sure i could eat the way i eat at home. i really appreciated her efforts. she pays so much attention she got exactly what i woulvde asked for had she asked me for a list.
the next day was my moms birthday. i made her tofu scramble for breakfast, we got subs from subway and hit the beach with my sister and neices and nephew. talk about an awesome day. i went for a jog on the sand to start the day off. the beach in cape cod is not like the beach in miami- NO ONE is exercising, so i kind of stood out but i didnt care one bit. after my run i cooled off in the water and then went and rented a kayak. my sister and neice had never done it so i took each of them out on their maiden voyage. it was awesome to share my fav activity with them. i even think my sister is going to go back and do it again! (this was at ONSET beach- if anyone from the area is wondering)we had our subs for lunch and went for pedicures after the beach, got ready and went to my moms fav chinese restraunt for dinner. i didnt eat healthy- but i ate vegan atleast. i had general tso's tofu! it was AWESOME (kams cuisine- acushnet MA) but served with white rice (which i ate) and it was deff friend and the sauce prob has 20lbs of sugar in it- but i enjoyed the indulgence. when we got home me and my brother made a whirlpool and did a whole bunch of laps to burn some of the calories off.
saturday was hair ALL day. it was a LONG day but very much worth it. two of my clients had gastric by pass so it was awesome to see them in their new bodies and compare stories in person. sunday was my big day- i was hosting a Shake & Share and Group Workout in my moms yard! two of the coaches in my beach body downline came, and about 10 guests. i made 6 diff shakeology recipes with the strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla (which tastes like CAKE BATTER! i hope they make a vegan version soon!!) and then we all did INSANITY!!! people told me i was crazy and no one would come, but people came! and it was insane! but they dont call it insanity for no reason! we sweated like crazy, we challenged ourselves, and it was awesome. in the end when youre cooling down and stretching i took a moment to absorb the moment and almost cried for a second. i was just SO proud. my sister did it. my mom did it. my brother did it, my friends did it, my coaches did it. we werent the best, and breaks may have been taken, but NO ONE quit. while working out i was screaming things like "QUTTING IS DECIDING THE FAIL!!" and allen was screaming things like "NO MATTER HOW SLOW YOU GO- YOURE LAPPING EVERYONE ON THE COUCH!" it was really awesome.
the next day was more hair, and i got to to to the Team Beach Body webinar in person! it was awesome to meet my teammates that i did not know. these people are SUCH an inspiration to me, whether it be physically or financially. it was awesome to finally meet them in the flesh. i feel so much a part of this team that it was hard for me to even believe i didnt actually know most of these people. i feel SO good about this whole beach body thing. the week i was on vacation i made $242 commission.... doing WHAT? i was on vacation and i was NOT pushing sales the whole time, thats for sure! it was just an awesome reminder of what is to come. incase you dont know that that is- its financial freedom. i am so sick of struggling. living alone so far from any family or anything leaves 100% of my needs on me. its very expensive to exsist, and then throw starting a business on top of that. but i HATE working for someone else, so i decided i needed beach body and its working! in 2.5 years my team has retired SEVEN people from their full time jobs. my diamond upline coach will make $200,000 this year working with beach body!!! thats insane! if all i have to do is follow his lead and thats where i can be in 2 years- i am coming! we were joking today that in a few years the hardest part of our lives will be deciding whos mansion to celebrate at. sure, it was a joke, but its a seriously realistic joke! i feel so fortunate to be part of a team that is so into team work and helping eachother succeed. i feel so honored to be able to help people take control of their health and/or wallet. i never in a million years thought id do anything but hair, and as much as i love doing hair i do believe in the next 3 years hair will not be my main source of income anymore. ill be able to do hair because i enjoy it- not because the bills need to be paid- and i CANNOT wait.
the next day was time to come home. it sucks that when i got home i got so off board because the day started great. i went to the garden grille in pawtucket, RI with alycia and had the butternut squash quesedilla and nachos- vegan and to DIE for. then we went over to the wildflour bakery for raw oreos, vegan cookies, and cupcakes. the SMOREs cupcake was orgasmic. i ate it on the place. grahm cracker cake, a dollop of chocolate inside, and the frosting was an actual marshmallow. amazing & highly reccomended.
i have yet to make it public but here goes- i am dating someone. nothing too serious but i wanted to mention it because hes a total carnivore. it sucked because i had been eating like crap all week and felt fat- but i had plans to cook dinner for my new boo last night. i didnt want to freak him out with some veggie dish or meat substitute so i went with mac and cheese and salad. he liked it! i also made sugar cookies with carob frosting, they were OK but not all that. i guess carob is better for u than cocoa, but my (and his) taste buds arent ready for carob yet, it wasnt chocolatey enough for me. but it was a success. he said he was super full- which made me happy because most guys are like "that was good, but i need a steak on the side" and he didnt pull any of that shit. gives me hope that maybe ill be able to find a man that can fuck with my eating style after all.
edit- almost forgot! My sister and mom each did the 3 day shakeology cleanse! Mom lost 7lbs, sister lost 6!! In only 6 days! Mom order shakeology and sister is consider coaching! So awesome!!!!
If you'd like to see more of the food I ate while out of town check the FOOD section- post VACATION FOOD! :)