I have eaten great this week. Spent a lot of time cooking and doing dishes but for a good cause. I'm trying not to eat more than 20 carbs a day- and none after dinner. I am also paying attention to calories/sodium/fat/protein. I started off monday at 205lbs with a hard boiled egg and mustard. For lunch I made a pizza on a FlatOut brand wrap and put tomato, feta, and onion on top. Dinner was cream cheese stuffed jalepenos and a salad with Bolthouse dressing. Bolthouse dressing can be found in the produce section- it needs to be refrigerated- first reason you should love it. Why ruin your healthy salad with a dressing that has a shelf like of 3 years? Bolthouse is a yogurt, not oil, based dressing. I have ceasar, spicy ranch, and honey mustard. A serving is only 45 calories. Well worth the extra dollar. Monday night I went to the gym on my friends guest pass and ran on the treadmill at a 7.0 (&*%&$#$!!!!!) which is a personal best. I was scared I was going to fall off. But I didnt, and now I am going to go a half mile faster every time I go, even if I can only do it for 30 seconds before I have to slow down. 5.8 is my most comfortable speed right now, I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone. I also did about a million strength machines and the 30 minute full body circuit (YouFit is awesome). We were there for hours- we went "Last Chance Workout" hard. My friend and I were doing sit-ups and throwing a medicine ball back and forth. After 10 he was done, I could've done 20 more. I am great at sit-ups. When I was a kid my grandfather( a marine) used to make us do situps. So even though I always had a big belly there are some strong abs under there. In the 5th grade I was in gym class and the teacher made us partner up and do sit-ups. As many as you can do in 60 seconds. GO!
I did like 55 sit-ups. I dont remember the exact number, but it was almost a situp every second. When the teacher asked our total he didn't believe me! My partner confirmed it was true. Instead of congratulating me and moving on he made me do it again. I started for a second time, with the whole class watching me. Lets watch the fat girl do sit-ups! Fun! I did it just as fast the second time around. Fuck him. The moral of this story is "people do not always remember what you said or what you did, but they always remember how you made them feel." I dont remember the specifics, who my partner was, exactly how many situps I did, the teachers exact wording.... but I will NEVER forget how he made me feel. There was another gym class injustice that really pisses me off to this day.
Freshman year. Gym class. I had a great class, girls I liked. I brought my gym clothes every day. I did all the activities I was asked. I jogged around that damn gym and got sweaty even though I knew I'd hate to go to class after (no one showered after gym in my highschool, i literally never even saw a drop of water in the stall). I never said "i cant do that" or "im not doing that". We did aerobics. We played badminton. We jogged laps. I did everything, just like all my friends in class. Report cards came. 89. What? I did everything, always had my clothes! That's like automatic A for gym! I asked my friends what they got. 90, 91, 93..... all these girls who did EXACTLY what I did in gym. My teacher had no explanation for why I got the B+ except that was the "grade I had earned". I may have been a little slower or a little less graceful participating in gym somewhere between 230 and 240lbs- but I DID EVERYTHING. I graduated highschool 4 years later with a 3.8 GPA. If you don't believe me I will show you my transcript. I got an A in EVERY SINGLE CLASS on my ENTIRE TRANSCRIPT for FOUR YEARS.... except for gym freshman year. I got an 89 in gym. I believe it was because I was fat, and until someone gives me a valid reason why I deserved a B and the other girls deserved A's- no one will be able to convince me otherwise.
No where was I, Tuesday. I started off Tuesday at 204lbs! I had cantaloupe for breakfast. I had an egg and cheese wrap for lunch and "mexican coleslaw" for dinner. It wasnt a recipe worth sharing. I also had some almonds. I went to zumba at 730 for an hour and then met my friend at the gym again for another hour and a half.
Wednesday, today I am 203lbs. Right on track for my goal. Normally I would not recommend daily weigh-ins, but I have to right now. I need to know it the second I hit 199. I dont want to hop on the scale and see 198- i could've been celebrating a whole pound ago had I only knew! This morning I made a "sausage"(morning star- to die for) and egg wrap for breakfast. I tried a low carb coconut flour crust pizza for lunch with onions, spinach, and mozzarella. For dinner I will have revised version of weight watchers "7 can chilli" or something ridiculous like that. My mom put me on the recipe and it's delicious- I've just tweaked it to not include 7 different canned goods lol. it has about 6 carbs in a serving so it's a good choice for this week. Today is my "rest" day as far as working out. I thought I'd skip a recovery day and workout everyday this week but my legs are soooooore as hell today. I am currently watching season 10 biggest loser. a contestant with leg issues does a lot of shadow boxing. I am inspired by him to shadow box today. Basically you sit on your ass and jab, hook, punch, uppercut, what-ever-the-hell-you-want, with enough intensity to drip sweat. His trainer says this is a great way to get in some cardio without using your legs. Normally I want a burn everywhere, today I will try shadow boxing and hopefully tomorrow when I meet my friend at the gym after work my calves will feel ready to put in work again.
I cooked my food for work today. Ill be having hard boiled eggs, bbq seasoned crumble(morning star fake ground beef) wontons, and "less than 7 can chilli". I'll be posting recipes either tonight or in the near future.
The other day I got a message in my inbox from a client and friend. She's a beautiful 5'3ish, 120lb (appx) girl. She had read my blog and wanted to thank me, but more important- share with me. She told me that although she has been skinny all her life she also struggles with food addiction. Coming from a family of cultures that LOVE to cook, and do it with butter and sugar and fat, she never learned to eat correctly and now as an adult has realized it. When we're growing up we might not realize our eating habits are off because we usually eat with family, and families often eat the same. Now that she is grown and married she is realizing her habits may not be the best. She watches her husband snack, and he eats a few pieces until hes satisfied and then stops. She could relate to my story about the bag of chips, just not being able to stop because it "tastes too good". She is in a constant struggle over this and is working hard to learn to eat right. Her message left me momentarily speechless. All I could think about was how many times in life I have commented on how much food a skinny girl eats. We all do. "Omg youre such a fat ass" "omg youre having another?! how do you stay so skinny you bitch!". Listening to my friend talk about her issues and insecurities broke my heart. How many of these girls have I hurt- commenting on their food. Who knows how many of them were trying to talk themselves out of that last slice of pizza and then went for it and I called them out? How many times has someone been embarrassed that they eat a lot, even though they're skinny, and I've made it worse by teasing them. I know skinny does not equal healthy- shit I went to high school with a 100pounder who had high cholesterol! I didn't realize, until this awakening, that a skinny person could have all the same emotions with food as me though. I never thought skinny people could be addicted to food, not have the ability to say no, to take CONTROL. When I see a skinny girl eat a lot I always assume it's because she WANTS to not because the fat devil on her shoulder is telling her to just have another. I feel like it's really important I share this story with you guys, because although I am always fighting for the big girls I want to empower all women. And as the female race we should respect each other. So please be aware of what you're saying when you comment on someones size or habits. Don't let the cover of the book fool you, you never know whats on the inside. No matter how different the our covers may look- you'd be surprised how many of our pages are the same.
Just want to take a second to shout out to the girls at Hot Topic, Kingston. I heard youre reading and I want to thank you guys for your support! I think you're rad :-D