well, i feel like i wasted my time. the staff wasnt rude or anything but they didnt do anything different than the last time i went. i guess i thought they would like test me for some shit or something but they didnt. my white blood cell count was high, which suggest infection, but the doctor has no idea why or from what. so he gave me two antibiotics and a referral for a gastroenterologist. he said its possible but unlikely i ingested 2 different bacteria in such a short time. i still had left over diarrhea and nausea meds from last time, so he didnt give me more. not that i needed them because i had already taken them hours before i went in. the good news is he ruled out gallstones, which is what everyone was suggesting it probably was. i guess theyre common when you lose a lot of weight fast.
im relieved its not gallstones but i dont even want to think of what it could be! of course he rattled off a bunch of possibilities, like crohns disease, but ive only had 2 stomach aches.... i dont know id call this regular just yet so thats unlikely. regardless, i am super annoyed because i am trying so hard to be healthy and now i am sick?! what the hell!! of course i feel much healthier on a day to day basis, but my fat was not something to miss work over. i cant frieken miss anything else!
i was supposed to go to orlando wit evan yesterday and today. he was visiting a family member in town and i was excited to have a staycation by the pool and go hard in the gym at the hotel. unfortunately he had a family emergency here and couldnt go.... so then i was going to have my own on hollywood beach. but i got an offer for a last minute photoshoot last night and then i was sick today.... so much for a vacation!
last friday we did get to go to the circuit class at his gym tho. i did NOT have fun this time. there were a lot more people there. a bunch of guys that i guess are the regulars that all just happen to miss last week. it started off with a guy standing directly behind me talking shit to the class about how it wasnt that hard. evan asked him why he was standing there instead of doing it then. he said he was leaving soon. well youre not leaving now! we all pretty much started talking shit back becuase he wouldnt stop with the comments and when youre doing something hard as fuck and someone NOT doing it is talking shit, its annoying! i told him if he could move his body like his mouth hed prob have a 6 pack already. he got down and did like 20 pushups with us and left. so frieken annoying. the guys were super competitive too. i dont mind a competition! but it was a class, not a contest. on top of that, this one douche bag literally cut across the gym to get infront of me. like dude, if you need to "beat" me so bad why cant u just pass me on the side like the other guys did? i wasnt mad at them! if youre faster you should be in front of me.... not if youre a cheater and cant get there fair and square. obviously the compettiive vibe rubbed off on me, but im pretty sure this guy was a douche, because i wasnt mad at the ones who finished before me fair and square. evan wasnt really feeling the vibe either. i dont know if he wants to do it next week. i dont really want to. i am grateful for the teacher and i enjoy his class, i just didnt like the vibe of the group. i did not feel welcome, i felt really welcomed the first time. i also dont want to encourage evan to quit anything. if i stop going hes more likely to stop going.i dont want the trainer to think were quitters! even though we kind of are... but its not like were going to quit working out.... just not at that place and time as a group... :-/
soooooo a coach that i know posted a really good article.... and i cannot even believe that i even LIKEed it.... a year ago i deff would not have. its about media sending the message of fat acceptance.... sort of. i always got really happy when i saw the ads for "dove" or other companies that advertise with "real" women aka plus size women. i felt, and still feel, like it makes women feel better because that is what the average woman looks like, and we shouldnt only show fit women... however this article brings up a really good point. its not cool that we call these "real" women. in reality, theyre average women. more women look like that than anything else. but to call them "real" women? why are they any more real than fit or skinny women? like i said, ive fought the fat girl acceptance fight for a long time. but i did understand what this woman was talking about in her article. of course i want everyone to love their body. and for a long time i was all about "love your body no matter what it looks like!" and i still do think we should love our bodies no matter where we are in our journey or life.... however, i dont think that loving your body is an excuse to treat it unhealthily. i made A LOT of unhealthy decisions based on the fact that i was already fat. i didnt say no to any bad food offered to me! why? i was already fat anyways! eat it! thats not cool. being fat isnt an excuse to be unhealthy. and if youre one of the lucky ones like me, and u dont actaully have any fat related health problems yet, dont go giving yourself those problems, just because youve accepted and love your body! i dont know, i am not feeling my best and maybe shouldnt even be writing this till im in the right state of mind, but i GOT the author. and i was SHOCKED by that. i think its worth reading.