So who's been reading my food journal? I've been listing as promised. I hAd the perfect example of a balanced "cheat" day on Thursday if I do say so myself. However as it sometimes happens eating one slice of pizza opened the flood gates. Thursday night I wanted more pizza. I thought about it and resisted all day Friday and then broke my will power last night. I ordere a small cheese pizza from papa johns. I ate 6 of the 8 slices and was stuffed. I gave the last 2 to my dog so there was no way in hell I could eat them. Had I planned on it I could've had all that pizza and still had a good day. I would've eaten fruits and veggies all day. But I didn't plan on it so I ate all of my regular food for the day and then topped it off with a damn pizza. Although this is much smaller scale binging than I'm used to I am still not proud about this! I have never been a person who looked bigger after I ate a lot because I was so big u just couldn't tell. Not last night. My stomach looked so big. And it was taking forever to digest because for hours the area between my boobs and belly button was rock hard and fat like a pregnant girl. It was deff the first time I could ever see a difference on the outside in one meal. It freaked me the fuck out. I was looking in the mirror seeing myself like 50lbs ago. I know there's no way I could've looked that big but that is what I saw and it was crazy and I do noooot want to go back.
Naturally my stomach has been hurting me all day. Because I was a moron last night and I didn't exercise much this week I haaaad to today. I went to the gym with Evan and ran 2 miles on the treadmill and did some leg lifts and a bunch of much needed stretching. It felt good but I was sluggish from poisoning myself 12 hours earlier.
An update on Evan- he's lost 40lbs! He's still trying to lose a little belly fat and then will just be focused on getting buff :-P you go boy!
My little brother is Almost 50lbs down and so is my mom. The 3 of us combined have lost more weight than I currently weigh.
So I was so excited about hitting 100lbs I went into the salon that day and told everyone lol so there is no more secret. I also told them how I was feeling about eating there all the time And explained to them why I do it so now I really don't care if anyone thinks I eat a lot. It's so weird- the body differences at my 2 jobs. I'm the 2nd biggest girl at my new job. Everyone there is tiny or just a liiiiitle chubby. Those who are chubby think they're fat (it atleast the ones I've talked to about it). At the other salon I am the 2nd smallest girl (my boss is only a few lbs more than me but she has huge tits and ass so she is smaller in a sense, but if we're going by strictly #s I'm smaller). Everyone there has or wants a big fat ass. We all like wide hips and curves and find that sexy. I feel like the other salon is opposite. It's like 2 different worlds. Not just because of the differences in bodies but that is a very obvious difference.
I think I had mentioned I got all the girls at my original salon (from here out ill call it the thick salon, new salon will be skinny salon) to sign up for a 5k. I was so exited. It was 80s themed and we were going to dress up in leotards and leg Warmers and the cameras from our "in the works" reality show were going to come film us. and then I got an email that the event is cancelled. No more 80s 5k. Il bummed :( but my aunt who lives in Tampa and has been getting in shape invited me to do a 5k at Disney in January with her and my cousin. So I signed up for that. No more awesome 80s 5k but now I get to run through Epcot in Orlando with my family. Ill take that.
It's so weird to feel so many bones in my body. I can feel bone I've never felt before. My spine hurts when I lay on the ground. I can feel hip bones. When I lay down the area between my ribs sinks and exposes them. My shoulders are like fat free. It's cool because it's how progress but I don't really like it... I hate cuddling with a bag of bones. One of the things I liked about being plus size was how soft and cozy my body was. I don't feel cozy anymore at all. It's reaaaally weird and is deff going to take a lot of getting used to.
So ever since I was a little kid I e drank ginger ale for stomach aches. Today I drank some and it did help enough to allow me to eat. I wasn't terribly hungry because I was stuffed yesterday but I knew I needed to eat if I wanted to try to get my metabolism going. I feel like there are just pounds of waste rotting inside of me that need to be let out. Oh that's right- there are! I reaaaaally hope I learn a lesson from this. It's terrible to eat yourself sick. To be sick and it's your own fault, you did it to your damn self. Aye yi yi. All I can do is do great today and tomorrow and every day as long as I can so I can feel better physically and mentally.
Had so much more I wanted to write about but this typing sucks so l save it for when the Internet stops messing with me:)