the rest of my day didnt go quite as well. this phase introduces a new supplement- detox. It tastes kind of orange-y. it is super grainy though. it really isnt pleasant. the flavor isnt bad, but the grit and grain isnt good. The first 2x i drank it alright but the third time i actually gagged. Not loving it at all. alklalinize seems like no big deal now though, and mineralize doesnt either. So, it makes sense that by drinking this 3x a day i hope im feeling better about it by like the 3rd day of this phase. PLEASE! lol
food was ok. Dinner was pinto beans and rice, greenbeans, and zucchini, and an example of a meal i thought "eh, thats going to be bland". once i actually made it, it was delicious, though! the seasoning went together really well and i enjoyed it. nothing about todays food was to die for, though.
because of an emergency at the salon, i had a surprise day off. Normally, I'd spend it at the gym. But since I couldnt I thought I'd go give blood because I had been meaning to for about 2 weeks. I didnt think too much about it before I went because i never get light headed or dizzy or are tired after I donate. I typically go right back to work and am blow drying hair and everything. Once i was actually in the bed and pricked it occurred to me maybe i shouldnt be doing this right now. I looked it up and there wasnt a ton of information about it. One expert did say it probably wasnt the best idea because since youre going thru a transition its probably best to keep your blood until youre done transitioning. However, if you do it someone is going to get some nutrient rich blood. lol i didn't make the lady unhook me or anything. I went through with the donation and I felt fine after, I still feel fine physically.
I havent been sore at all today. I started the day with some dry brushing. I think it's helping so ill be keeping it up.
i was warned people go through emotional highs and lows during the reset, and im pretty sure today I am going through a low. today i was looking at my leg and i got a glimpse of a couple wrinkles on my calf. wrinkles in my skin. this is of huge concern to me because i really dont want to have to get surgery on my arms and legs. However, the smaller i get, the wrinklier I'm getting and I'm not sure that's going to go away. My trainer says give it 2 years but she hasnt really examined my skin. even my calves are all very faded stretch marks. I dont see how stretchmarked skin can snap back like healthy skin! i was sad about my upper thighs being wrinkly and saggy, and ive been noticing for a couple days that my inner leg is looking a little wrinkly and lumpy, and now, my calves. When I was in between I could wear shorts and skirts but now i am going to have to stick with dresses, capris, and pants. It's not like "ew im disgusting, no one look!", its like "my body doesnt reflect my hard work and i dont want anyone seeing that shit and thinking I DONT put in all the work i do." i love social media, but sometimes I hate it. I have to look at people who drink all weekend, indulge in junk food on the regular, and rarely or never workout out have better bodies than me! my body is not a display of my efforts, and it pisses me off! And now I am worrying that the gym isnt going to be able to fix my legs, and maybe not my arms either. I know this is all vanity bullshit and everyone is thinking "but ashley! youre so healthy now!" i get it. and that is wonderful. the thing is, all the effort i put in is more than is required to be "healthy". healthy works out 3-4x a week. Healthy indulges on a regular basis. I'm feeling like, if i am not going to get the results i am looking for anyways why am i counting every calorie and working out 6 days a week and trying to eat clean and running 10ks and shit? i dont have to do all that to just get by as a "healthy" person. generally, my life reflects that of an athlete. or at leave a very fit person! my body does not reflect that. I know women who were as big as me and lost close to the same amount of weight in less time with surgery and their legs are nice and tight! everyone told me " do it the right way- you dont want to lose weight fast- youll end up all saggy". then i did it the natural way andddddddd..... still ended up wrinkly and saggy. what the fuck. I think the biggest difference between me and some of those women is they had only been fat for a few years. I was always fat. My norm is not smaller. If my skin goes back to "normal" it will blow up, not shrink! it feels like this is my punishment for being so big for so long and im upset about it. the other side of me is like "RELAX! even if you do need surgery, youll get surgery!" itll be YEARS before i could afford that surgery if it goes at the same rate my tummy tuck and boobs are going at! so whether my trainer is right and itll snap back in two years, or i have to save up for another surgery, i need to get my mind right and prepared to have to be a wrinkly old lady for the next two years. I am going to need a wrap or something to be in a bathing suit at like, events. I will go to the beach looking a hot mess, but i cant go somewhere that i am trying to look good with this on display. not going to happen. unfortunately, my stuffy nose came back while I was having a sob fest earlier. bummer.
I am about to make my schedule for tomorrow and take my ass to bed. i cannot wait for today to be OVER.