WHIRLWIND is exactly the word to describe my day today. or the last few for that matter. i am feeling exhausted.
i guess i should start by being a little accountable and confessing my sins lol i havent been so good. since i updated last i have been giving in to some old habits i am not proud of. i went to MASS and had a great trip. i actually was really struggling not to binge eat at my mothers house. i did it for so many years there that when i am back in that environment its like the kitchen is calling me. i fought the temptation HARD and went to sleep without binging. and then in the middle of the night i had a damn veggie burger. i remember making it but i dont remember even thinking about it. i deff think this is a form of sleep eating. i know i was awake, since i remember, but i definitely was not in my concious state of mind when i did it! that was the only time i screwed up, pretty much the whole trip. so im AM proud of that.
as always, i brought a blizzard with me. the last two days i was so stressed out over if my flight was going to be cancelled and how i was going to get to the airport and why my ride home from the airport(and dog sitter) was not responding to my texts. i wanted to eat BAD. but i didnt. until i got to the airport. and i caved.
now, i didnt go to johnny rockets and order a large fry and a shake or anything. i went to hudson news and got trail mix and granola. neither are BAD. but i ate the whole bag of each of them.... prob close to 1000 calories. and then the seal was broken.
i LOVE healthy food, which is why its not so rare for me to binge on it! i dont just like junk food. i just like volume. i actually love vegetables because i can eat a lot of them guilt free. however, lately, i have been allowing myself to eat too much of a good thing, and even that can be bad. ive also been attempting to "maintain" for a month... that means i am trying to live like a normal person which just never really works for me. i am accepting i need to meal plan, calorie count, etc for the rest of my life, or i will slowly and surely put the weight right back on. i am sure (by looking at my belly) i have put a few lbs on this month, EVEN THOUGH i am doing p90x3 and its kicking my ass. therefore, i need to get strict about eating again.
to motivate myself, i challenge one of my challenge groups in progress to eat clean for 7 days straight with no cheats, treats, or excuses. we strarted today. i am proud to say i DID IT!! but it was HARD. i had to resist a million temptations. once i start eating artificial sugar i just cant get enough, so since i have been giving into my cravings a little too much lately, my brain just kept saying CHOCOLATE and PIZZA! ever since i discovered the gluten free pizza at dominos doesnt bloat me, i want it every damn day!!! it only comes in small, which is good. but its still processed, fast, crap food. whether i order light cheese (not vegan) or i put my own vegan cheese on it, i am still eating a bunch of preservatives that are cross contaminated being prepared on the same surface as the deep dish meat lovers pizza!
with all that DRAMA today, you could see why i wanted to stuff my face!! but i didnt! i had fruit and bee pollen for breakfast. i had a huge lunch of veggie bean soup (homemade) and grilled vegetables with red cabbage "slaw". then dinner was shakeology made with banana and organic almond milk. i just finished some bedtime yogi tea and am hoping for a good nights rest, i have a LOT to do tomorrow.
on saturday morning me and one of my beach body coaches did a 5k trail run. it was SO fun. i want to do more of those!!! when youre running thru trees and over bridges and up an down up and down you really lose track of how far youve gone or have to go. i was totally loving it. headphones werent allowed so u were one with nature. my only problem was due to not eating my best all week, my body wasnt in race mode. for the last half mile AT LEAST i had to poop. i didnt even run the whole race!!! i had to go so bad i HAD to walk for fear of shitting my pants!!! when i crossed the finish i raced to the porta potty. no fun!!! lol but it was a great reminder of how you can exercise properly if you dont eat properly, and you MUST eat FOR your races not for pleasure, or youll end up screwed!!! i was legit considering running off into the bushes at some points it was so bad!! LOL
i am currently doing p90x3, but am really missing running. after a year of "learning" to run and 15 weeks training for my half marathon, i jusrt want more of it... i think i have lost my mind but i am considering doing a marathon in 9 weeks. its the last marathon available within a reasonable distance before i have surgery this summer. if i dont do it before surgery, i can pretty much kiss the idea of doing a marthon in 2014 good bye.... so i am REALLY thinking about it. my trainer says i can do it but i shouldnt do it for time, just for finishing. but u know me, i want to RUN a marthon start to finish. no walk. or to me, it doesnt count and i might as well not do it until i can complete it. i havent made a decision yet, but i need to FAST becuase 9 weeks will be 8, than 7, and so on, before i know it!
ok, so i planned to upload a bunch of new pics tonight but i am SO damn tired its not gonna happen. i will tomorrow :)