Yesterday was the big day- I went to a 2.5hr workshop at a yoga studio. It was called "FLY- an arm balancing workshop" aka "you gon learn to handstand, bitch!" I was really set on it being the day I finally did a handstand. Something I've been trying for months.
I came up with a lot of excuses not to go. I was worried I am not advanced enough since I've done very little yoga- and what I have done has been mostly informal. But I realized that was an excuse and went anyway. I had an opportunity to call it off to do hair for a wedding, but I realize that was an excuse and turned the offer down and went anyway. I got out of work late an was going to be late. But I realized that was an excuse and went anyway. I couldn't find parking, but that was an excuse, so I went anyway.
I was the last one to arrive, 10 minutes late. Maybe that's why I was so lost, but I highly doubt it. I found a spot between two people got into it. I soon realized that this was NOT yoga for beginners. The instructor was speaking a different language. I know "downward dog" and "crow" and "plank". I don't know those crazy yoga names! I had no idea what she was saying. We did some real basic shit and then she had us make L's on the wall. I'm good at that. I've been practicing that for months- I even shared a pic on here. However, I could not kick my legs up to save my life. We had to partner up so I asked the first person I saw to be my partner. I felt bad for her. She was really good and I was really bad. She wasn't super helpful but it wasn't her job to teach me. As soon as the partner section ended, she ran away to the other side of the room. When we got off the wall and back on our mats I soon realized I had picked a spot between a bunch of Yoga teachers. I knew because they all were doing all the poses in yoga language on demand. They also were talking to each other so I knew they did yoga together. But I ALSO saw them behind the desk after class. They worked at the damn yoga studio. They TEACH yoga. And I am trying to learn yoga with them. Clearly, this is not a level playing feild. I wanted to cry 3/4 of the class. I really wanted it to be over but I refused to quit even tho I could only do about 20% off the class.
It came time to do a variation of crow. Crow is when you are balancing on your arms and u put your knees up on your elbows. One of the poses I actually CAN do. The instructor was saying we need to be comfortable putting our weight forward for a lot of the balancing poses, so she asked us to practice as trust our bodies. I trusted mine too much. I fell forward. Since my hands were being used as feet I couldn't catch myself and I went face first into the mat, which is like the cheapest low quality mat ever. When I am at home I use my thick mat from my hairdressing station but I only have a crappy legit yoga mat. Long story short, the mat was no help. There were blankets to put under your face incase you fell, but with 69 people there and me being the last one to arrive, I didn't have a blanket cushion.
At first, I thought I broke my nose. My whole face was numb and I was scared to touch it. I finally did and I felt blood. I was so embarrassed I got up an ran to the bathroom with my hand over my face. When I took my hand off there was a little chunk of skin on it so I knew there was a cut. I almost puked when I saw it because u could just see where it split open- right on the bridge of my nose where my glasses were sandwiched between my face and the floor (idk how they didn't break). I was relieved to know the blood was from the cut and my nose prob was not broken. But any time I have a wound open enough that I can see the my flesh or any kind of insides it makes me woozy. I took some deep breaths, got a bandaid, and finished the stupid glass with a big bandaid on the face.
I cried for a good 15 minutes of my drive home. I felt like a failure and like I am so unfit and uncoordinated. There were people there with more fat or less muscle definition than me, so why can they do it and I can't? So frustrating. I will do it before I die, but I'm deff taking a little break.
Last night I went to a block party for a motorcycle club. I used to not want to ride a motorcycle because I HATE how a big girl looks on the back of a bike. Looks like a motorcycle wedgie in her ass. I did not want to be that girl. However, now I'm not a big girl but I care about my life. So I STILL didn't ride on one because I didn't wanna put my life in someone's hands. After months of talking about it, I finally agreed to ride on a bike. My driver was a very responsible guy who my friend has known for 7 years. The biggest reason I trust him is because her mom trusts him- and she lost her daughter in a car accident. So if SHE isn't scared for me to get on a bike with him, I shouldn't be. He agreed he would not be doing any illegal shit even if the rest of the group was. I told him that I don't wanna do tricks, I don't wanna weave In between cars, (where they aren't looking- because its not a fucking lane!) I don't wanna go 100mph. I love my life, I love my family & I love my limbs. He agreed to the terms, so I rode. The best thing about him is that he doesn't drink or do drugs. So even tho we went to a party I didn't have to worry he'd be impaired on the way home. the actual ride was scary at first. I was shaking. I hate having no control. I also still think I'm 300lbs because I don't think any man can support my weight. They look at me crazy when I ask I'm im "too heavy" or if they've ever had a passenger "my size". But in my head, I'm goin to throw off the weight and tip the bike. When youre on the highway u have to lean forward to prevent being pulled back by the wind. I had one hand around the drivers waist and the other on the bike because I was so scared my weight was going to push him off the bike if I put all my weight on him. Now I'm thinking its kid of stupid, he's atleast 75Lbs and half a foot taller than me, but I truly thought I was going to knock him off. When I express that concern he's like "you're not gonna push or pull me off, that's crazy" but in my mind I'm like "hello! I'm heavy!!!" In realiTy I'm not that heavy. But my mind still thinks I'm 300lbs sometimes. This was one of those times. So I had a good night anyways, even tho I was exhausted by 11pm lol it was miserable because when u arrive as a bike passenger, you can't drive yourself home! I hated not being able to leave when I wanted. But that's also half the reason I was scared to ride. I'm a control freak and I had NO control. I enjoyed an Italian ice and a water at the party. I let go and let someone else be the boss, and I got to ride on a bike without worrying about if it looks like a motorcycle wedgie. It was a good night.
Today I met Shae, I guess technically my "agent" since she got me the infomercial job, at the gym to workout. Like I said- we can't do anyone else's workout plan, but we can do some other exercise rather than the machine on our own (Shae is doing the infomercial too). I took E&E- which is a beach body pre-workout product that gives you "energy & endurance" holy shit. I was running like crazy! Idk if it was change of scenery (not my normal gym) or what but I was loving it! After we got off the treadmill we did some other exercises and I felt like it was personal trainer practice. It was cool to teach Shae things I've learned from my trainer. I don't usually like working out "with" people (I like to go with friends and do our own thing) but I really enjoyed working out with her. When we were leaving I told her that I was going to whole foods for groceries & she offered to buy me lunch at the salad bar. U know that's my favorite, so of course I accepted! We had a great lunch and great conversation. I really like her. She old enough to be my mom but I've realized in my adult life that age is seriously just a number. Some of my best friends are close to my parents age and I'm pretty ok with it. I'm an older soul.
We wrapped up lunch and Shae left so I could grocery shop.& I ended up having some major scores at whole foods today! Sales + coupons = happy & healthy! Lol
I had a coupon for $1 off a "dream" product of my choice. So I go almond dream milk because a gallon was on sale for 3.99. So I paid 2.99 for a GALLON of almond milk!!
Raw goji berries were on sale for 15.99 for 12oz. The 4oz package goes for $8! So triple the amount for only double the price!
Kettle brand organic potato chips are usually $3. They were on sale for 2. I had a store coupon for $1 off and a manufacturer's coupon for 75 cents off. Paid 25 cents for a big bag of non poison chips! Now to test my ability to take out a serving and put the rest away lol
Shiritaki noodle coupon for $1 off 2. They're only $2 each but I got 2 for $3! The yam noodles have zero calories. No nutrition at all- but they also have nothing bad about them. I use them as a filler to feel like I have more food when I don't actually have enough cals for pasta left.
My fav fake chicken "beyond meat" was on sale for $4.49 rather than 5.49. I also had a 75 cents off coupon.
I had a coupon for $1 off 2 Boca products. Whole foods sells the VEGAN & organic Boca products. I've never seen them (other than original vegan burgers) at another store. So I got 2 bags of "meatless crumbles".
$1 off any "go veg" cheese. The slices were on sale for $3 a package so I got vegan pepperjack cheese slices for $2.
Nasoya organic tofu was on sale 2/5. I had a coupon for 1.25 off of two. So $3.75 for two packs of organic tofu!