I have over 4,000 pics in my phone. Cleaning house. Here's some random shit I've tried on, most of which I didn't buy but enjoyed trying because it was a small size :)
The past 6 weeks have been crazy. I had my birthday along with 3 of my closest friends birthdays, started filming a possible reality show, & another friend visited from MA. all of this called for a lot of night life & drinking. of course i dont HAVE to drink, but being in that kind of atmosphere and the only person not drinking is really no fun. its actually kind of annoying. so since im a light weight and now i weigh a lot less, i can get a little buzz much quicker and i drink even less than before... excluding these past few weeks.
ive gone out like 5x in 6 weeks. im not proud of it. im 25, single, employed, no kids- so i guess theres really not a damn reason i shouldnt be having an age appropriate good time. but its just not the norm for me and its catching up with me. ive been a little more groggy a little more often, which sucks. wasting calories on drinks, sucks (i love wet willies naked willy tho- 80 calories and low carb!) i am deff enjoying the shopping for new outfits though! its so fun to be able to try anything on. yesterday i put on size 8 pants! wtf! i used to be a 24!
so, yesterday i had a really good training session in the pool. my trainer used to train olympic swimmers so she takes it seriously. she put these weights on my ankles and hands that are actually floats- not weight and the resistance comes from trying to keep them in water. it was MUCH harder than it looked- especially because she is obsessed with proper form and when you do things correctly- as to not hurt your back and get the best workout- it usually doesnt feel too good. the hour in the pool was good, it was tough but i enjoyed it and felt great. when i got out and was showering i was getting a little nauseous and my belly was gurgling... my trainer said my internal gasses were prob out of wack from all the movement in the water. she treated me to massage because she had an appt for one after our session and the whole time i was thinking about my belly hurting. it was a pretty sweet rub, but i was distracted unfortunately.
i left and went to nuerofeedback and i was still hurting. ran to the bathroom and puked- atleast its a really clean bathroom. totally sucked though. i was early, which was good because i puked quite a few times. i had no idea what i was puking because i hadnt eaten anything but a spinach and fruit smoothie and shakeology. i got up and rinsed my face and mouth and felt way better. i went to my appt, and the store and still felt fine. i had promised to go out for my friends birthday and since i felt better and it was going to be an early night, i got ready to go. i ate an avocado stuffed with veggies and tofu and drank some organic lemonade.
while i was out i had one tequila & pineapple. i sipped it for about 2 hours, never felt drunk or even buzzed really. we left and i was in bed by 230. at 4am i wake up sweating my ass off with diarrhea and puking. i felt like i was dying! i passed out on the bathroom floor and woke up in a puddle of sweat, only to let out prob another liter of fluids. i had NO idea where the hell these were coming from because i hadnt consumed much. so i knew i needed to replace them so i kept trying to drink water but i couldnt keep it down. this continued until about noon, i had to call out of work. that is NOT like me. i feel kind of guilty like i shouldnt have gone out on a work night, but im not sure it was the alcohol. like i said, 1 drink! made with patron & (artificial, im sure) pineapple juice. all the other birthdays i went out for i drank atleast 2 drinks... so i am thinking it was because i hadnt eaten enough, or i had a bug earlier i somehow got over temporarily. i dont know.... but it was really weird and really horrible.
The good news is even before I even went out I'd already made the decision I was retiring after tonight. Ill be back to my once a month party maximum and on grind mode like I should be.
i was afraid to drive so i asked evan if he could bring me something to hydrate and crackers. he brought me gatorade and saltines (no salt on top). not shit id normally eat but i had nothing but lemonade and fruit and veggies in the house and that all sounded terrible. the crackers made me feel soooo much better. i took a bath and i actually was just able to get down a glass of shakeology- so i anticipate feeling a lot better by tomorrow.my belly is actually a little gurgly right now so i may have had too much too soon... i felt good enough to get it in me tho so i figured,fuck it! i only had about 800 calories including the drink yesterday because of feeling sick earlier in the day. then it all came out so i know my body is nutrient deprived right now. im not sure what caused me to be sick but it was nothing major or i would be able to single it out. its so its crazy how something most likely so minor can make someone SO sick! i dont like not feeling good and not knowing why!
the good news is between yesterday and today i managed to lose 5lbs. i know its all water weight so i can expect it to come right back, but at least ill hopefully not feel bloated when we film the last 2 days this week. i wish i could give you more details about the show but until we have the official green light i dont want to jinx it. in the mean time it is SO hard though! i wanna talk all about it and post a million pics!
as for filming last week, it went well. i was a little insecure because the outfit that had been chosen for me was not the most flattering to my flat chest, especially when everyone else at work has a pretty sweet rack. but i must not have looked that bad or they wouldnt have specifically requested it. i didnt feel fat or insecure tho. they got wraps for lunch and got me a veggie one because they knew i was vegan. it was shredded lettuce and diced tomato, thats it lol.. it was from a deli and obv the deli understood "veggie wrap" as a meat wrap, minus the meat. it was flavorless and bland but it didnt bloat me and it didnt make me sick. i appreciated it. i did have a few shots of pink patron with the cast. at the end of the night they ordered papa johns and i completely avoided it. woohoo! not even one slice.
my friend kim was in town so we went to this restraunt SUBLIME in fort lauderdale. its 100% vegan and off the chain. i went there for the first time a few days before for a presetation called "101 reasons to be vegan" presentation. it was awesome. the most memorable part : "what is an egg? dont say a baby chicken because its not, it hasnt been fertilized. when a human produces and egg and its not fertilized what does the body do with it? excretes it as a period. when you eat eggs, your eating chicken period!" the presenter was some young guy from new jersey and he was hilarious. i got take out that night and it was so good i decided to go back with kim. we had a good time and greeeeeat food.
the next day i had to shoot again, and i still felt pretty good. however, i had been on a shakeology, juice, and salad diet for like a week prior so i wouldnt feel fat for filming. i was DYING to eat food and decided id allow myself to eat that day after i filmed. i finished around 2 and i had someting terrible that had been eyeing me all day- a chocolate glazed donut. it didnt make me sick, but i wasnt hungry for hourrrrrs. that night i ate more than normal, nothing terrible but i did indulge. i had oreos- which believe it or not, are vegan. i had kims left over thai tofu curry (with white rice). i dont even remember what else i had, but i got right on track the next morning. because i ate mostly "good bad food" i actually didnt feel fat and bloated the next day either.
im getting really excited about my arms. i have like a permanent roll i never thought id lose and its SO close!! in some pictures it doesnt even show- and im not consciensly hiding it. i thought id have a lot more sag. my trainer thinks because i am so young my arms and thighs will tighten up with time. i might start taking collagen, cant hurt to have a little extra lol
It seems like my new pre go out habit is a nervous breakdown about what I look like.
Which is insane because when I was 300lbs I didn't care if any one thought I looked like shit and I certainly didn't feel like I looked like shit rarely ever.
Now it seems like every time I go out I am trippin because I feel fat and flat chested.
For some reason I still have 44DD bras in my drawer. I shud burn them all. But I haven't. And tonight I grabbed one by accident and thought DAMN that's big. Then I remembered my boobs busting out of it. Then I put it on. I don't know why. It was just a visual reminder that my boobs are a third of what they once where.
My boobs are so saggy & small I literally was able to fit both in one cup.
I really don't want a foreign object in my body. But I'm really starting to consider implants. I don't want an implant: but I don't think I want small boobs any more either.
I started filming a reality show this week. The outfit the producers picked for me they found on my Instagram.... I didn't suggest it. It had no bra. I tried to be confident and wear no bra because If I looked that bad they wouldn't want me on TV anyway.... But all day long I was super aware of all my coworkers big huge boobs and my pancakes. The next day we were talking about our on camera interviews And my coworker was like "hell yea I was honest! I told them I hate this one & this one has ugly boobs" her and the other girl looked at each other and laughed. Maybe I'm super sensitive & insecure but I'm pretty sure she was talking about me... Either that or my coworker who's had 5 boob jobs an has permanent scars around the nipple.... But it was most likely me.
I will be so mad if they put this chick on TV talking about my body when they know I only look like this because of weightloss. I should be a diva and refuse to do it without surgery... But I'm not important enough to fulfill that request I don't think.... They'd prob rather laugh & drop me from the show than get me surgery so I feel better about being on camera.
I just hate feeling so insecure! I hate feeling like I'm being judged! It's all in my head. I never used to judge anyone's body- and that's prob why I assumed people weren't judging me.... Now I look at everyyyyones body- I can't help it! And it makes me assume everyone's looking at mine. Fucking sucks. I just want to feel good. I feel good when I stuff my face but I feel bad afterward- tried that for years. Now I'm not stuffing my face and I still feel like crap! Don't get me wrong, the good totally out does the bad and I'm happy way more than I'm sad- but I'm SO SICK of being sad. I'm so sick of feeling gross. I'm so sick of feeling "less than" because in a melted wreck. I just need some fucking money so I can get a tummy tuck and fix my boobs. I'm confident I can do my arms in the gym- but I can't fixture stomach and boobs.
If this show ends up airing you guys are prob going to see a real ugly side of me-from the questions they asked me I get the impression I'm the villain. But if they think me being the bad guy is what's going to sell- ill be the bad guy. And take my check right to the damn plastic surgeon. I want surgery like YESTERDAY! I started paying it off a year ago- literally. I never in a million years Thot a year later I'd have less than half paid off. But shit happens. Sooner or later, I'm getting this fixed.
I always say that i wish i had business cards with my blog address on them. sometimes i see a big person working out and i just so badly want to tell them YOU CAN DO IT! i feel like if they knew motivation was standing right in front of them, theyd be more motivated. today i REALLY wished i had some.
i was at the gym and i couldnt stop staring at this one lady. i felt like a total asshole because i know when i was big i assumed every who was looking at me was thinking "why is so she slow" or "why is she so sweaty?" or "shes doing it wrong". i wasnt thinking any of that though. i was just thinking " YOU GO GIRL!!"!!!! i was tempted to interrupt her and introduce myself, but you never know how someone will react. god forbid shes got offended and i lose my gym membership for harassing members lol
i didnt ssay anything to her. i was about to leave when i noticed her on the treadmill. she looked like she was in pain. i had been there 90mins and she was there the whole time i think, and she was working hard. i saw her doing a lot of exercises most big people dont even try (she was KILLIN it with sit ups) anyways, after a long workout i could tell she had had enough, and decided, fuck it. i asked the person at the desk for a post it and a pen. i wrote "DONT GIVE UP! I USED TO BE 300LBS! MEMYSCALEANDI.WEEBLY.COM" and as i walked past her treadmill i stuck it on the screen and gave her a smile and a thumbs up, and left.
i didnt want to embarass her at all... so if you DID find your way to my blog, please know that! i was SO impressed by her.... and i needed to make sure i took my little 20 seconds to tell her that her efforts show, and she will get there if she keeps trucking along. someone like her can DEFF lose the weight, and i know she will if she keeps on the right path. so, lady in the blue shirt from the gym, if youre reading this, YOU GO GIRL!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!! you can do ANYTHING you decide to do!!!!
in other news, my neighbor gave me a peice of gym equipment! hes had it in his yard and offered for me to use it, i never did because i HATE when people come in my yard, i deff dont want to hang out in someone elses. well, he hasnt used it in the 6 mons ive lived here so he decided if he relocated it, we might get use out of it. so now i have a little gym in my little yard. itll be great for the days i dont make it to the gym and just jog. my trainer has taught me how to do lunges and stuff w equipment like it so i am pretty excited!!
i had to stop by Publix for some lettuce today.... worst idea ever. whenever i go into a mainstream grocery store i feel like i cant eat ANYTHING. thats because grocery stores NEVER highlight clean food. every end cap you walk by is chips or soda... both were buy one get one free today.... and god knows i love a sale! lol the BOGO pepsi wasnt tempting because i dont even like soda. i cant even get thru a whole cup before i feel like i can feel the sugar sticking to my arteries. the chips, however, were a whole nother story. i love doritos, especially cool ranch and sweet chili. i found out a few months ago that sweet chili are actually vegan! fuck!! lol that does NOT mean theyre good for you, it just means no animals were harmed to make them, and therefor your body wont punish you for eating it :) BOGO doritos. i stood there looking at them at least 30 seconds. and im proud to say, checked out with nothing but lettuce. i love chips, especially those, and getting a free bag makes buying a bag that much more tempting. but i didnt. even 6 months ago i dont know that i wouldve made the same decision. i prob wouldve bought them and convinced myself i would eat them 12 at a time, as the servings suggest.... but that usually fails by the time i get to the second half of the bag, and then i eat 4 servings at once and feel like a big fat cow afterward. i knew this was NOT a chance i could take. i havent talked much about it, because i dont wanna jinx it, but theres a potential reality show brewing at the thick salon. even though everyone there (besides 2 girls) is thick as fuck, i still want to look my best and most lean. next week, we will be spending two days filming and this could potentially end up airing as one of the first episodes. if that happens i cannot live the rest of my life knowing i did not do my absolute best to feel my most confident that day. so ive decided itll be shakeology and salad all day, every day till next week. i wont be starving, but those two meals keep my belly flat. i dont want to risk feeling bloated and shit like on my birthday. when i was on "Kendra on Top" i had only lost like 30lbs, but i felt AWESOME that day even though i look fat as fuck in the tape, i dont care, because i know i FELT awesome that day. i guess you could say this is my first taste of stardom...... realizing how much easier it is to stick to a diet when you know the whole world is about to see you lol
so, my mom took this pic of me when we were kayaking during her visit. i was not going to post it because you can really really see how melted i look. i think my belly looks frieken horrible, and it matches my inner thighs....
but after 2 weeks of it being on my desktop and viewing it 100x, i decided i do want to put it up.
i want people who think i look so fabulous to see an unflattering picture. obv we put the good ones up. for every picture you see where my stomach looks flat and tight i have 10 that it looks soft and saggy. for every picture i have where my thigh look like steel, i have 2 where they look like mashed potatoes. so yes, i wanted to show a "bad" picture.
the cool thing is, i am still proud of my bad pictures. it is embarrassing because i wouldnt have so much to lose if i didnt have so much to start. but on the other hand look at where i started! even when i get upset that i am not where i want to be- i just remind myself of where i am compared to where i started. that stops a lot of beating myself up. highly recommended.
So, my grandfather turned 77 yesterday. Happy birthday to him! He lives about 4 hours north of me so i decided to take the day to make a visit. He is diabetic so I made him vegan cupcakes with agave nectar. Agave is a natural sweetener that is only like a 13 on the glycemic index. Refined white sugar is between 40-55. The lower the #, the slower its absorbed into your blood so your blood sugar is affected less. He was eating m&ms all day, and doesn't really eat ideally for a diabetic, but that doesn't mean I have to contribute to that. Him, my grandmother and aunt all liked the cupcakes :)
I would be spending 9 hrs in the car that day so my aunt offered to take me to the gym so I didn't have to miss my workout. I did a few miles on the treadmill and some weights. We got back to the house and I did everyone's hair. As usual, meme had cooked a feast. She made a big salad and this zucchini,onions, and tomatoe combo I love. Those were the only vegan options of the day and I decided that was all I was eating. I didn't want to get sick like I did at Christmas with all the dairy I ate. I had 3 plates of salad and zucchini thru the day and I never got a belly ache :) meme has also made broccoli and cheese and green bean casserole for veggies but didn't realize I wouldn't eat them. Of course I appreciated it, but after my birthday cake bloat I knew I was not going to eat something to show my appreciation.
After dinner I asked if everyone wanted to take our dogs for a walk. They agreed. I was pumped because usually we sit around and eat. We ended up walking more than 2 miles. Every now and then me and Pepe would jog a few blocks. I couldn't believe I was jogging with my grandfather on his 77th birthday! He was a runner when I was little. I remember crossing the finish line on his and my uncles shoulders. He used to run with us in the stroller too. Before I was like 4 I had two trophies from races I had "run" lol when I ran my first 5k I gave him my number. He has it in a frame in his "man cave" next to old pics of him and my uncle running.
I over heard him telling his friend on the phone how he ran with his granddaughter on his 77th birthday. So I know it made home happy & I'm so happy I could give him that. He is getting old and has dimentia and diabetes. God willing he will have many more birthdays- but in the case that he doesn't, I'm glad we have such a good memory of this one. I don't think I ever thought I would run with my grandfather. The crazy thing is, it wasn't because he was old- it was because I never expected to be able to run!
Normally a holiday with my grandparents includes a lot of food, a lot of dessert, a bellyache, lots of talking and snacks while watching tv. This visit was NOTHING like that. I just can't stress how proud I am and how much I love my family!
So, the 3 days before my birthday I did a Shakeology Cleanse. When I first heard about it I was told to have 3 shakes a day. Then I heard 3 shakes and a salad. Then I got my hands on the official "directions" and it was already day 1... So I decided I was going to go ahead with my modified version to fit what I had. Do what ya can with what ya have!
The actual cleanse goes like this. Repeat for 3 days.
Wake up: green tea
Breakfast: shakeology with water (fruit optional)
Snack: fruit- only if needed
Lunch: Shakeology with water (fruit optional)
Snack: green tea
Snack: Shakeology with water (fruit optional)
Dinner: Salad with clean low fat dressing & grilled chicken or fish
Obviously I wasn't going to be doing the chicken or fish part. I also had a problem with my shakeology, I only had strawberry. I am learning to like it, but I don't love it. I looooove chocolate vegan. Chocolate I can drink with just water. Strawberry I only like as a recipe. So I decided to skip the fruit & snacks and make shakeology recipes. My salad would be with avocado or tofu. I didn't do green tea, for no good reason, because I had it :( Here's what I ate!
In the 3 days, even with the modified version, i lost 3lbs and just over an inch in both my waist and hips. the most important part is i FELT super lean. i didnt even do 3 shakes a day and i was never hungry. as soon as my bag of chocolate comes in i am going to make a plan to do the official cleanse, with he drink i like mixed with ice and water.
the purpose of this cleanse is more to jump start your body. its not like other cleanses because they are usually severly calrorie restricted. on this cleanse you will still eat about 800 calories. its a low calorie nutrient dense plan. if you eat a lot of crap or have a lot built up in your system this will deff flush it out. however, if you already eat super clean this is not going to give major weight loss results. however, your body will FEEL and work better.
for the official team beach body info about the cleanse go HERE.
If youre interested in trying the shakeology cleanse send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org! theres a MONEY BACK guarantee if youre not satisfied! (no bs, no hassle) if youd like to order shakeology you can do so HERE.
I just remembered the BEST part of my birthday night! I can't believe I forgot this earlier!
Ok, so we were in the garage about to leave the club. This woman is staring at me and with an accent says "your legs!" And I'm looking at her like "excuse me skinny foreign bitch I swear to god if u comment on my legs being jiggly I'm going to slap the shit out of you."
Then she continues in broken English "your legs, you can so tell you do a workout!" With a big ass smile.
I wanted to hug her.
I was so worried about my legs I really thought she was about to talk shit to my face. And she was COMPLIMENTING me! The best part, as Evan later pointed out, was that she didn't even know I lost weight! she had no reason to tell me my legs looked great, other than she thought they looked great!
This was a weird birthday. I wasnt really looking forward to it becuase i feel lik,e 25 is a real adult age. Like, theres no "oh shes just young!" excuse anymore. im just a regular ass adult an anything i fuck up now is because im an idiot, not young and dumb lol that makes me feel a little pressure. plus i always figured id prob have a salon and husband and house and baby by early 30s and thats only a few years away.... and i have NONE of those. i have friends who have houses.... makes me feel like being 25 and still living in a one bedroom apartment is so far behind. i have to constantly remind myself my life path is unlike ANYONE i know, so how can i expect to be in the same place as anyone i know?
i used to be obsessed with birthdays. my 18th, was to this day, the best birthday ive ever had. however, 21 is the last birthday i celebrated. I lived in Los Angeles at the time and my friend worked at the Abbey. I wore a corset because even fat i felt fly as fuck. i had a red velvet cupcake and a tranny sang happy birthday to me. It was a pretty good time. every birthday since then ive lived in FL.... my first year i didnt really know anyone and was way to depressed to celebrate anyway. the next two years i just didnt care. of course my family always sends me presents and calls me and FB goes crazy, but i personally didnt really celebrate. just another day. this year, after celebrating a hundred peoples bdays with them, i deiced FUCK THIS, i wanna celebrate my birthday! i want to feel like the fucking queen or bday princess or whatever the hell it is. i didnt want a huge ass party or anything, but i did just want to feel special for the damn day.
well, between thurs & fri my bday wishes went to shit. i was going to do a 5k in the morning, alone. i have 2 types of friends. lazy and fuck and supermodels. obv the lazy friends have no interest. the models are fucking out of town all the time or i hesitate to invite them becuase i know i cant keep up yet. so it was really depressing me that i was going to spend a huge chunk of the day i wanted to feel special, alone. two of my best friends were out of town. the new nail chick i was going to try out fucked me out of my appt for prom chicks, even though i booked with her tuesday. talk about depression. i cried most of those 2 days everytime i got more fucking news.
eventually i got over it and decided FUCK EM! im having a great birthday regardless. friday i went to buy a dress. My mom had given me some money for my birthday when she was here and i just wanted a BIRTHDAY dress. i went shopping downtown hollywood. its so frieken sweet to go to a regular ass store and pic out any dress you want out of any section. i wanted to try this one dress and the woman who was getting it down asked me "what size you want? medium??" i almost dropped dead. you work at a store and you see ME and think medium?! stfu. guess what, it fit.
Saturday morning was the Armageddon Ambush.... its a 5k, mud run, obstacle course, color run. fortunately my client/friend Karen decided she wanted to come as a spectator with her friend Yvette. Mom and I had run karens first 5k color run with them the week before. I was SUPER excited. even though id be racing alone i would have company for the drive, company before & after the race, and support at the finish line. I was SO happy they came, not only so i wouldnt be alone but because theyre both on a fitness journey and i wanted them to see whats in store for them, hopefully one day theyll be doing a mud run with me :)
unfortunately, this was the WORST mud run ive done. it wasnt very organized. there was a heat every 30 minutes. i think there were two problems.... they didnt have enough volunteers regulating the obstacles to force people to try once and then move on and do burpees if they fail.... that keeps things moving. also, i think they let too many people go each heat. there was a 5-15 minute wait at EVERY obstacle. thank god i wasnt doing it for time. some of the volunteers, especially the female fire fighter before the swim, were so fucking rude and treated us like children and completely killed the vibe. she was literally screaming at people and acting like it was her first day on the job as a kindergarten teacher with no clue what to do.
a few of the obstacles fell apart. that made me regret signing the waiver because you sign it with the impression theyve built a course with safety in mind. i didnt feel completely safe. at two different obstacles i stood waiting while some guy with a hammer or drill banged shit back together.
the obstacles were pretty sweet tho. there were 5ft piles of dirt to climb over, nets to climb, water to swim in, a pool of ICE WATER (which actually felt amazing), hurdles to jump over, a trail to run in the woods, a huge pile of tires to climb, more dirt to climb, ankle deep mud, and in between each obstacle you run, and are ambushed with colored powder. i only had to skip ONE obstacle, the rope climb. i cant just climb a rope.... but damn well i will before i die!
my favorite obstacle was one that was like a 12ft high ramp youd see at a skateboard competition or something. you got a running start and had to run like hell up a practically vertical wall. during this obstacle i was glad there were no volunteers regulating because i didnt get it my first try. my hand was about a foot away from the top, you have to grab someones hand or the top in order to pull yourself over. it took me 4 tries. i was so out of breath i didnt think id even make it halfway the 4th time, but i took a deep breath and ran like i stole something. fast as fuck and just as i was about to miss the top, a stranger put his hand out and grabbed mine. he gave me a little pull and i was able to grab the top and pull myself over, and climb down the other side. this was SERIOUS victory for me. i saw that thing and thought "oh fuck that i cant do that!" but i wanted to at least try to see how much work i needed. i cannot believe i fucking did it. one of these days im going to be one of those people with a camera on my forehead videoing the whole thing so u can see how cool it is.
the last obstacle series was a climb up a 12' wall using only a rope, followed by atleast another 12' of rope netting to climb. when you got to the tippy top you went down the biggest homemade water slide youve ever seen in your life, and then crawl under barbed wire thru mud to the finish. when i saw that slide i said to karen "i dont give a shit what it takes, i am going down that slide!" i knew i was going to have to climb a wall to get to it, and i didnt care. the one official goal i made that day was to do that last obstacle.
well, when i got to it there was a mob of about 300 people there already. it was SO BACKED UP from the lack of organization. everytime like 20 people climbed the wall theyd stop! either the tarp was coming off the slide or too many people were congregating at the top or the rope net was coming loose, good fucking god! get it together ambush organizers! this race was a JOKE, i feel sorry my guests think this is how all mud runs are. believe it or not, i waited AN HOUR AND 45 MINUTES TO DO THE LAST OBSTACLE! i arrived at the last one at 1130, and didnt get to do it until after 1pm. you couldnt leave, or you lost your spot. so basically it was like a giant mosh pit of people sweating their asses off, dying of thirst, in direct sunlight, at fucking NOON. people were handing out bottles of water to volunteers, like they needed it! i have NEVER been so thirsty in my life. people were screaming WATER!!! i know we all made the choice to stay there, but i imagine this was how people after katrina and shit felt with no damn water. ive never in life experienced thirst like that, and i knew water was only a matter of hours away, i cant imagine being that thirsty and not knowing when im getting a drink. fortunately after about an hour, the angel that is Karen is screaming to me from the sidelines with a Liter of water. i swear to god i saw a halo over her fucking head lol... people were nice enough to hand it off to me and not steal it. i guzzled about half in one sip, poured some on my head, and passed it off to the guy next to me. i felt bad as shit with all that water when i had been standing by him for an hour knowing he was just as thirsty. this ended up being a GREAT choice, he paid me back 10x.
basically the consensus was that ARMAGEDDON AMBUSH SUCKS and we will be sticking to more reputable races like warrior dash, spartan race, tough mudder, etc. it was a nice try, but a fail. the flyer said " back by popular demand" i am willing to bet there will be no demand next year. there was a rumor they will be giving us each a free pass to our next ambush. idk if its true, but if so, thats the only way id do this race again, i deff wouldnt pay.
so, i strongly considered quitting because i was sunburnt and tired and sick of waiting. i felt guilty my friends were boiling in the sun as well.... i thought id be done completely within an hour.... it took 3... however, i wanted to climb that walll SO BAD. i wasnt even really worried about the slide anymore, i just wanted the damn wall. there was this little ass muscle dude who we were calling spider man. he climbed that wall like he stuck to it. he just kept going up and down and up and down and pulling people and helping people and he was so fucking awesome. the volunteers at this obstacle were useless, one girl had to use a ladder to get to the top of the wall.... if this bitch cannot pull her weight up the wall, how is she supposed to help me over the wall?! so naturally there were a shitload of runners helping. when it was FINALLY my turn i was really nervous, i didnt have a team to help me and there were no official or unofficial helpers at the top of my rope. i look up and guess whos waiting for me? the guy i gave water to. he was a strong, but not very big guy. given i was huge my whole life i always doubt a man ability to pick me up or pull me, and i didnt think he was going to be able to assist me. he was a the top of the rope with his arms hanging down screaming "you got this!" i grabbed the rope and started climbing. after almost 2 hours of observing i realized the people who kept their knees bent were much more successful that those who tried to climb completely perpendicular to the wall. i was trying to use my legs but it takes a LOT of upper body strength. on my first shot i got close enough to grab my new friends (whos name i dont even know lol) hand. i had one hand on the rope, one hand in his, and my feet on the wall, knees bent. i couldnt get that last 10 inches or so though. i knew once i grabbed the top i could pull myself over but i couldnt grab the top! i looked at my friend and said " I cant do it without another hand!!" a lot of the ropes had 2 volunteers up top so one would grab each arm and just pulll. i only had one guy. he looked at me and said " you can do this!!! dont tell yourself you cant, you can do this!!!! come on!!!" at this point, someone from below literally pushed my ass up enough so i could stretch my leg like a damn gymnast. some guy grabbed my foot and once it was on the top i was able to pull myself up with my legs. my legs are SO much stronger than my arms. after all, they carried ME around all those years! i was SO happy to be at the top!!! i was so grateful for the help, and glad i didnt get a "head butt" (some girls could NOT climb at all. dudes would literally put their head in the girls ass, and climb the rope under her and push her up, like a damn elevator lmao. it was hilarious, this one dude did it so many times im SURE he has an ass fetish lol. we all stood there so long with nothing to do but watch people climb, so when someone really struggled the crowd went wild when they made it up. very few people who tried it didnt make it. the thing ive noticed about both obstacle races is the team work and support, even if youre not on a team, are incredible. these type of races literally help to restore my faith in humanity.
after the wall we had to climb the last rope net. i had my friend on the side of me still pep talking "dont ever underestimate yourself, you can do anything you want. you didnt even need an extra hand" i never told him my story, so he had no idea who he was talking to- but if he was going to say that shit to anyone to try to change their life, he picked the right person! i lost him once we went down the water slide but i wish i had had to opportunity to thank him. he really really helped me feel like i could do anything when he literally helped me overcome that obstacle.
the mud crawl was fun as always. it wasnt that challeging because the barbed wire didnt actually have any barb lol... it was just a wire. which was stupid because it really drops your incentive to stay low and avoid the wire- when you know youre not even going to feel it if it touches you.....
but that was that! the race was done, i met my friends, took a picture doing the "star pose" my trainer taught me, and came home to shower like crazy.
fortunattely, even tho i was trying to avoid making the drive there, i was able to get in to get my nails done at rapunzel, the "thick salon" i work at. my bosses said i could get my nails done for free for my birthday. super sweet :) i got there and told jennifer about my outfit for the night and she started sculpting perfect nails to match. the girls suprised with me Moscato and a cake. dun dun dunnnnnnn. i was not expecting cake from anyone. erica was super cute, she got the littlest babiest cake possible for me so i couldnt eat a lot.... but i had no intention of taking that home! even if it was little, i wanted to share it. she called it a personal sized cake, lol. it was about 4" diameter and 5" high.... that is NOT a single serving of cake, but the grocery store will sure have you thinking it is lol. i was SO grateful erica thought of me and got me a cake, and it seemed like she was a little offended when i asked for a peice that was only 1"....i was orignally thinking "one bite" but i felt like shit. i wanted to be cared about so bad on my bday and she was just trying to show me love. the thing is, i dont think they understand what vegan is, or maybe they dont know whats in a cake. not eating cake had nothing to do with a "diet". i wouldve eaten a vegan cake no prob.... the problem was it was regular cake. i havent had any animal since december, not milk not eggs.... and both are in cake, as well as processed white flour- which i also havent eaten in forever. i was afraid eating the cake would give me a belly ache all night. i ate the cake, and left the whipped cream frosting. the peice was only 1".... i felt like it was a good compromise to not make me fat, and not make my cake seem unappreciated. i learned my lesson though, and im never eating because im worried about someone elses feelings again. my body hated the cake and refused to digest it. i didnt shit the whole rest of the day. my belly was a little round. i had just done a 3 day shakeology cleasnse so my belly would be flat, rather than round, on my bday and i wouldnt be worrying about sucking it in.... well i fucking ruined 3 days of work with 1 piece of cake. i put on my dress that night and i had some roundness. i did crunches, i got on the foam roller, i drank water, i did everything i could think of to speed up the digestion and get that shit out of me. just like that time i was "pizza pregnant" i knew it was literally the food stuck in me, not moving. i didnt shit, it didnt flatten. i cried, of course. i was wearing a VERY risque dress that was open on the sides so i couldnt even wear underwear never mind a gurdle. i felt like crap. my friends evan and daisy came over to get ready with me and they assured me i looked great. i explained i hadnt eaten anything but salad and shakeolgy for DAYS to avoid this, and i through it down the drain not having to will power to say no to cake. i was so disappointed, felt fat, felt like a failure. i wore a blazer even tho it didnt really go with my dress, i dont know why, because it didnt cover my stomach, but it made me feel less exposed. i had a mini breakdown because all of my flaws just seemed to be on display. i never feel like i look skinny when my arms show. i have had a roll in my arm literally since birth. when i was a baby it was adorable, but it never went away. i had it as a kid, a teen, and adult, and now as a skinny girl, its still proving to be one of the hardest things to lose. its deff getting there, but its not gone. and i feel like as long as i have rolls on my arms and a round belly that hangs, how can i be skinny??? im just a fat girl melted, thats all. my dress was also short, so i was tripping over my thighs looking gross. i thought my boobs looked extra saggy. i felt like $1000 when i bought the dress, so it wasnt the dress. i was SO excited about the dress. it was the stomach. i couldnt stop focusing on my round belly when it was flat 8 hours prior and that was just making me think about all the other body parts i should hate. it really sucked and really killed my vibe for a long time. i didnt want to drink because i was afraid id look fatter. eventually i got my shit together, went out, had 5 drinks, and got over it. within an hour i felt 100x better and when THE dj wished me happy bday and played 2Chainz "its your birthday, bad bitch contest, YOU IN FIRST PLACE!" i damn well did feel that way :)
this morning i work up, drank spinach and apple juice, took a shit, and my stomach is fucking back to flat. go frieken figure!
So, i got back from MA on tuesday and my mom arrived in florida or wednesday. her friends at home were teasing her that she was coming to the "romano boot camp". funny, and a little true lol
mom had already decided she was NOT going to gain weight on this trip. she hoped to lose but would be happy maintaining. in our family, when you go on vacation, you eat like food doesnt exist where you come from lmao. so just staying the same would be a huge accomplishment for her. she said she was going to eat whatever i ate. this was exciting for me because my mom LOVES milk & cheese and dairy, and she also has pooping trouble! (sorry mom, your business is now public lol, but its important!!) its not that she doesnt poop, she just would like to do it more often. i knew if she ate less dairy i could get her pooping. now i had the opportunity to show her.
she arrived at like 11am and unfortunately the weather forecast was rain. i showed her my new apartment and she dropped off her stuff and we went to chipotle for lunch. we had salads, no rice. i had no meat, no cheese. she had chicken and a small amout of sour cream. we split a bag of chips. we got our toes done and then i took her to whole foods and the farmers market to grocery shop. i explained why i chose certain things, what the difference between organic and conventional are. it was a hard task because i wanted to just give her all the information i possibly can, but i didnt want to overwhelm her or make her feel like shes not doing a good job with her efforts so far.
after shopping we went to my gym and worked out for over and hour. then we came home and i made a recipe thats similar to home made mac and cheese, with a broccoli and cheese twist. im posting new recipes either tonight or tomorrow. every day she was here she had shakeology and a smoothie, as well as 2-3 meals with about 250-400 calories in them. ill be posting many of the recipes, including shakeology.
the next day we got up nice and early and ran some errands, including buying new running shoes! my parents got them for me as a birthday gift along with some workout pants and sportsbras for my ever shrinking boobies. that day we also went to see my trainer. the original plan was for me to have my normal session and for mom to use the treadmill while i did that. my trainer had different ideas though. basically she sucked mom in with no choice, and i am kind of glad she did. mom deff got a good workout, and it was really fun working out with her! shes better than she thinks at a lot of things. my only concern is she doesnt like putting herself in pain, even though if she does it enough times the pain will go away..... i really want her to get familiar with the foam roller, but it can hurt. i think i am going to leave one at her house in MA so i can have it when i am in town, and maybe she will use it when i am not. my trainer kept us for almost 2 hours. mom didnt expect to sweat, and we were dripping. talk about a vacation! lol
the next day we rented beach cruisers and took a nice ride on hollywood beach. we went souvenir shopping and layed in the sand. we didnt eat out, i cooked at least 3 meals a day, every day. we brought nuts for snacks. i showed mom one of my favorite documentaries, FOOD MATTERS, hoping it would help her understand why i am doing what i am doing. i tell her i am one of those "weird people that doesnt even shop at the grocery store". she says shed rather have me be one of those weirdos than headed in the direction i was before. :)
that night we went to hardrock hotel/casino to gamble and get some wet willies. wet willies has a drink called the "naked willie" thats only 80 calories and a few carbs. i literally emailed customer support for that info- as i heard it was a "diet" drink but couldnt find the nutrition info anywhere. well people, its true- 80 calories! and it gets you tipsy! enjoy! we also won $163 playing black jack! mom deff had some beginners luck that was driving the old men at our table crazy lol since she was deff playing for fun she gave me her chips to cash in :) i considered this a pretty sweet tip for being a personal chef all week :-P (i kid, i enjoyed cooking for her :)
saturday i had to work allllll day. but i packed my lunch along with a lunch for mom to eat. she walked to the bike rental station, rented a bike, and rode a few miles to the beach, all by her self! if you know my mom, shes terrrrrible with directions. she cant find her way out of a paper bag, so to pull this off in a whole new state with no help was a big on taking for her. she had a 6" tuna at subway during her big day out, and felt guilty about it. i wouldnt have made that choice- mostly because of the animal aspect, but she only got one scoop of tuna. if youre going to eat restaurant tuna, thats the way to do it. so even tho she felt "bad" about it, she actually didnt make a terrible decision.
sunday morning bright and early, 730am to be exact, we ran the fort lauderdale color run! a client and her friends met us there and we were team Color Junkies! it was the first 5k for my friend, karen, and she did great. she wasnt able to run the whole thing yet, but she really pushed herself. i wanted to help her do better than she prob realized she could, but i also didnt want her to feel like she was holding me back. ive felt like that before & it sucks. so i would jog with her a bit, walk a bit, and then jog ahead. at a certain point mom and i would turn about and jog back to her or wait a color for her. it was actually really fun to not only be focused on time. we exercised, had a great time, and im pretty sure karens gears are turning as far as making a lifestyle change, you go girl!!
after the run theres a big huge party where everyone empties packets of color into the air and you cant even breath. it was insaaaaaaaane, and awesome. so much fun. the pictures will be up on the website tomorrow and ill be sure to post them here :)
we left the run looking like fucking crazy people and went right to the farmers market. we got a bunch of stares, plenty of questions asked, and delicious fruit & spinach smoothies. we also got a few veggies, pickled beets, and cupcakes from Half Baked Goods, no way mom was going to come to florida and NOT try my fav cupcakes ever! we split a mocha an a carrot, they were both amazing. after eating our cupcakes, beets, and salad for lunch we went kayaking! i looove kayaking and so does my mom so we always do it when shes here. that night i had a few friends over and we had a vegan zuchinni lasagna and salad, and a made a watermelon cake! we attempted a small fire outside, but the wood was damp from all the rain earlier in the week. i slept like a frieken BABY that night.
monday morning, all good things must come to an end. Moms flight was in the late morning. We got on the scale and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! We each lost 2lbs! we had smoothies and went for a 4 mile walk on the beach. mom bought me this awesome insulated cooler/pillow/beachbag and i made breakfast wraps and put them in there for after our walk. they stayed warm and we got to eat under the warm sun! i dropped her off at the airport and was sprung back into reality real frieken quick. i prob missed her before her plane took off.
mom drank milk in her coffee and had sour cream and chicken from chipotle on her first day. saturday she had some tuna. other than that she ate 100% vegan, 90% organic. she pooped every single day, except one. the pooped first thing the next morning though. she said she deff thinks she will be buying almond milk instead of regular milk, and she cannot believe how sweet organic cherry tomatoes are. hearing my mom make these realizations and put things together just makes my heart SO happy!!! i want her to be healthy, and i hate to watch her try so hard and not quite get it, only because she didnt know better. now i feel like she knows a little better and i am super excited and proud of her. you only get one mom and i want mine to be around for as many trips to FL as possible!
Edit: if you're interested, there are pictures of literally EVERYTHING we ate in the FOOD section :)