I am so proud I could cry. This must be what my mom feels like.
Last time I was in Ma he had lost about 20. Today one of his friends tagged him in the pic on the left on Facebook and I couldn't believe my damn eyes! Difference in hair aside- look how amazing he looks!! He looks so grown and handsome (he's 15).
I watched a movie called " the fat boy chronicles" last week and within 5 minutes I was crying. The adorable little chub reminded me so much if my brother. The character got picked on a lot at school. It made me wonder if my brother gets picked on. I don't think he's like regularly bullied but I know some asshole somewhere has prob picked on him. He's never once told me about bring teased, but I didn't usually tell anyone either when I was.
When my brother was 6 he came in from outside crying because one of the neighborhood kids " punched him 100 times". He was so upset and I was furious. I was 16. The bully was 12. I figured I'm closer in age to the bully than my brother is, so I am going to punch him 100x. My sister and friend walked down the street with me and I yelled the whole time. He beat me home- he was inside. I was yelling for him to come out. His little brother was outside, I told him to go get his brother. He came back and said he wouldn't come out. I then asked an 8 year old to relay the message that his brother was going to get his ass kicked next time he came out of the house. Obv when we went home my parents told me id be in trouble if I beat this kid up so I never did, but man did I want to.
This is how I feel thinking about him possibly being bullied. It makes me want to beat someone's ass. I imagine he's just walking to the table his friends are at in th lunch room and some douchebag makes some kind of "make room" comment or something. The amount of little comments like that you have to teach yourself to ignore as a fat kid is retarted. Kids are so mean. I don't think there's a chance in hell my brother hasn't been teased. I forgot to mention he is in drama club and band and is openly gay. He's a perfect highschool harassment target. I just hope if he does get picked on he doesn't let it bother him. My brother is one of the coolest people I know and it's too bad that a lot of people will probably never know that because they see him as a fat kid or a theater geek. He's not a geek and he's so much more than a chubby kid, but kids are MEAN.
It makes me so sad we taught him our bad habits. I was 9 when he was born. I remember he was like 1 and obsessed with deli cheese. I forget exactly what happened but I got him a slice an said "I love you" when I have it to him. My mom said were going to try not to teach Andrew that food is love so not to use food to show my affection any more. I never repeated that scenario but somewhere along the line we taught him everything we know about over eating and snacking and being fat and now he's one of us- struggling to control his appetite, fix his habits, learning to exercise. I know I didn't do this to him by myself but I do feel guilty about it. Now my neice is a little chubby. I hope because we're all changing our habits she will learn the new ones, but she's deff has picked up some old ones, that girl loves to snack. I guess all I can do is set the best example possible right now and when I have kids I need to raise them with healthy habits. I'm so proud of my family but so sick of watching everyone struggle with weight. I'd love to have normal size kids and start a generation of fit kids. I have step cousins that are in good shape but in my immediate family were all overweight. If I can raise kids that never NEED to go on a diet that'll deff be one of my greatest achievements. I am proud of my brother but at 15 he was way better things to worry about than how many calories he's had today. He tells me it's hard, I tell him if it was easy no one would be fat. I see so much of myself in him and I really hope this is something he takes from me too, the desire to STAY fit & healthy so the rest of his life doesn't have to be such a struggle.
I am so proud of you drew and hope you don't mind me putting your business all up on the Internet- but you're inspiring someone else now :) keep going buddy, love you! Xo
Ok so, warning. My Internet is being weird. It says I'm connected but there's no Internet access. Whatever, I'm updating from my phone. So since I suck ass typing on touch screen please forgive my autocorrect and mistyping errors in advance.
So who's been reading my food journal? I've been listing as promised. I hAd the perfect example of a balanced "cheat" day on Thursday if I do say so myself. However as it sometimes happens eating one slice of pizza opened the flood gates. Thursday night I wanted more pizza. I thought about it and resisted all day Friday and then broke my will power last night. I ordere a small cheese pizza from papa johns. I ate 6 of the 8 slices and was stuffed. I gave the last 2 to my dog so there was no way in hell I could eat them. Had I planned on it I could've had all that pizza and still had a good day. I would've eaten fruits and veggies all day. But I didn't plan on it so I ate all of my regular food for the day and then topped it off with a damn pizza. Although this is much smaller scale binging than I'm used to I am still not proud about this! I have never been a person who looked bigger after I ate a lot because I was so big u just couldn't tell. Not last night. My stomach looked so big. And it was taking forever to digest because for hours the area between my boobs and belly button was rock hard and fat like a pregnant girl. It was deff the first time I could ever see a difference on the outside in one meal. It freaked me the fuck out. I was looking in the mirror seeing myself like 50lbs ago. I know there's no way I could've looked that big but that is what I saw and it was crazy and I do noooot want to go back.
Naturally my stomach has been hurting me all day. Because I was a moron last night and I didn't exercise much this week I haaaad to today. I went to the gym with Evan and ran 2 miles on the treadmill and did some leg lifts and a bunch of much needed stretching. It felt good but I was sluggish from poisoning myself 12 hours earlier.
An update on Evan- he's lost 40lbs! He's still trying to lose a little belly fat and then will just be focused on getting buff :-P you go boy!
My little brother is Almost 50lbs down and so is my mom. The 3 of us combined have lost more weight than I currently weigh.
So I was so excited about hitting 100lbs I went into the salon that day and told everyone lol so there is no more secret. I also told them how I was feeling about eating there all the time And explained to them why I do it so now I really don't care if anyone thinks I eat a lot. It's so weird- the body differences at my 2 jobs. I'm the 2nd biggest girl at my new job. Everyone there is tiny or just a liiiiitle chubby. Those who are chubby think they're fat (it atleast the ones I've talked to about it). At the other salon I am the 2nd smallest girl (my boss is only a few lbs more than me but she has huge tits and ass so she is smaller in a sense, but if we're going by strictly #s I'm smaller). Everyone there has or wants a big fat ass. We all like wide hips and curves and find that sexy. I feel like the other salon is opposite. It's like 2 different worlds. Not just because of the differences in bodies but that is a very obvious difference.
I think I had mentioned I got all the girls at my original salon (from here out ill call it the thick salon, new salon will be skinny salon) to sign up for a 5k. I was so exited. It was 80s themed and we were going to dress up in leotards and leg Warmers and the cameras from our "in the works" reality show were going to come film us. and then I got an email that the event is cancelled. No more 80s 5k. Il bummed :( but my aunt who lives in Tampa and has been getting in shape invited me to do a 5k at Disney in January with her and my cousin. So I signed up for that. No more awesome 80s 5k but now I get to run through Epcot in Orlando with my family. Ill take that.
It's so weird to feel so many bones in my body. I can feel bone I've never felt before. My spine hurts when I lay on the ground. I can feel hip bones. When I lay down the area between my ribs sinks and exposes them. My shoulders are like fat free. It's cool because it's how progress but I don't really like it... I hate cuddling with a bag of bones. One of the things I liked about being plus size was how soft and cozy my body was. I don't feel cozy anymore at all. It's reaaaally weird and is deff going to take a lot of getting used to.
So ever since I was a little kid I e drank ginger ale for stomach aches. Today I drank some and it did help enough to allow me to eat. I wasn't terribly hungry because I was stuffed yesterday but I knew I needed to eat if I wanted to try to get my metabolism going. I feel like there are just pounds of waste rotting inside of me that need to be let out. Oh that's right- there are! I reaaaaally hope I learn a lesson from this. It's terrible to eat yourself sick. To be sick and it's your own fault, you did it to your damn self. Aye yi yi. All I can do is do great today and tomorrow and every day as long as I can so I can feel better physically and mentally.
Had so much more I wanted to write about but this typing sucks so l save it for when the Internet stops messing with me:)
So if you've been reading you know that I did not make my 2lb goal this week- i only lost 1lb. SOOOOO 2 more pounds till i've lost 100. maybe this week i will lose 2, im certainly going to try!
I did wear flats to work and it proved to be a good decision. I had to park on the 4th floor of the parking garage. I decided since my feet werent on fire id take the stairs. I forgot to pay for my parking on the first floor so I had to go all the way down and all the way back up. I decided that from now on I will park on the 5th(top) floor even when there are spaces on lower levels. Then i will take the stairs. So even if I don't get a real work out on those days I will be walking and standing all day at work and then go up 5 flights of stairs when I am done. That seems pretty good for a 'day off'.
I know besides not working out like I should have I didnt lose the 2lbs because I didnt eat enough. To be quite honest I am a little embarassed to eat at my new job. People there dont know I've lost weight. If you know Ive lost 100lbs youre going to call me skinny (everyone does all the time) but if you dont know i have lost weight you would still look at me like a fat girl, well because I still have fat. Even 100lbs lighter I am still the 2nd biggest girl there. So, i normally eat every 2-3 hours. I feel like an idiot eating so much there because no one understands whats going on. To them it looks like the fat girl is eating all the damn time- no wonder she is fat! so i brought carrots and hummus and almonds everyday. Those are great choices but I was there 7-9hours everyday, plus a good 45minute commute each way. That is not enough food. I didnt record my calories last week so i thought that i was doing ok but when i did go back and log i realized i ate less than 800 calories 3 days last week- the 3 days i worked at my new job. even eating snacks was not enough. Thats like anorexia calories. This week i am going to say fuck what anyone thinks- i need to eat. I'm going to bring hardboiled eggs and salads and tuna and im going to eat them on my schedule and if anyone comments itll be the perfect opportunity for me to tell them why. One downfall is theres no microwave so I have to bring options that are good cold or room temperature. One of my new co-workers is following me on instagram (the_real_romanoinc) so she knows because there are pictures on there. Now if i can get the rest of them to follow me i wont even have to explain lol a lot of the stylists there are young so theres always a chance this info has already been gossiped about and spread. Im cool with that.
Yesterday I ate pizza. But it was a great experience. I worked it into my calories and instead of ordering out I got a Newman's Own frozen pizza. Its organic, was on sale for $5, and if you dont know 100% of profit from newman's own products goes to charity. I think that makes it a win.
One of my best friends whos always been an athlete and super fit just had a baby and is in a body shes never been in before as well. She started reading a book by Bethany Frankel I believe- she is one of the real house wives. Its called Naturally Thin and its about staying or getting thin without a diet. My friend was sending me tips from it and a lot of them are things I do, and some of them were new and i think great advice so Im going to share them. I might end up reading the book and if so ill have a whole lot more to share then.
-One of the things she said is not to deprive yourself. you can have desert! but stop eating it when youre satisfied. Takes a few bites, enjoy the sugar overload and throw the rest away. Just because they put it in front of you doesnt mean you have to eat it!
-Another great point- why do we need two of everything?! if youre having toast have one piece, two of everything is just a bad habit!
-A point she made that i totally relate to is dont buy more because its cheaper. I love getting more for my money but i cant eat or buy things that are bad for me just because its a better deal. Unfortunately it costs a little more to care about yourself but an extra dollar or two isnt going to put you on the streets people. eat whats GOOD not whats CHEAP.
-Only eat half of your meal at restraunts and bring the rest home for another meal. if you dont have enough self control ask them to wrap up half before they even bring it to you.
-Stop eating when youre satisfied! i know i mentioned that in the first one but its worth mentioning again. How many times have you started to eat something that tasted amazing but by the end of it you are just eating it to finish.... the 20th bite i never as delicious as the first one! ive found myself eating fries on "cheat days" too many times and i catch myself thinking "these are not as good as i remember"... and what do i do? I eat the rest because i just paid for it and its infront of my face. I shouldve stopped eating it as soon as I realized it wasnt even satisfying me.
Have you ever heard of Osgood Schlatter's Disease? If not here is a nice little wikipedia excerpt:
"The condition is usually self-limiting and is caused by stress on the patellar tendon that attaches the quadriceps muscle at the front of the thigh to the tibial tuberosity. Following an adolescent growth spurt, repeated stress from contraction of the quadriceps is transmitted through the patellar tendon to the immature tibial tuberosity. This can cause multiple subacute avulsion fractures along with inflammation of the tendon, leading to excess bone growth in the tuberosity and producing a visible lump which can be very painful when hit. In more detail, activities such as kneeling may irritate the tendon."
When I was a kid I had terrrrrible pain in my leg. Sometimes i'd actually cry! my family told me to toughen up and get over the "growing pains". I dont know if my mom brought me to the doctor because of the pain or if i was just at a yearly physcial, but eventually my Dr let me know it was not a "growing pain"- it was osgood schlatters. He told me its more common in boys than in girls but not to worry and I'd grow out of it. i thought i did. then i started working out.
First I noticed it when i was exercising with resistance bands. I was on all 4s with the band around my arm and my foot lifting my leg. When I'd do my right leg my left leg would hurt like hell- like its stabbing the floor even though i was on a yoga mat. Then i started doing insanity which is a lot of jumping. I started to notice pain while i was exercising and eventually pain- or atleast discomfort- even when I wasn't doing anything.
I decided to do some research and discovered that a lot of adults who had osgood schlatters as children grow up to have "runners knee" or "jumpers knee". I bought a brace and a band that puts pressure right on the exposed tendon and it takes away any discomfort instantly. but then i started running and when Id take the strap off i would feel it again. It pissed me off because i didnt want to be one of those fat people whos exercise is limited because i have "bad knees"... and on top of that ONE bad knee- only the left one. if my right knee works perfect whats wrong with the left?! i knew there had to be something better.
More research and I discovered a pill called Oscon. I still dont completely understand how it works but i know it is not a pain reliever- it actually helps your body heal. It doesnt contain steroids or drugs- its all vitamins and enzymes. i read about a million reviews. All these people are giving it to their CHILDREN and raving about how theyre playing sports again and its a miracle and they were better in days, blah blah blah. So although I am not as educated as i prob shouldve been, i decided to order it. I did tell a friend i was going to be taking it incase i did have some crazy reaction someone would know.
It costs about $40 for 60 pills. You take 2 a day. most people will be completely healed after one round but others take two. even if i have to take it for 60 days instead of 30 i am cool with that. Its been about 3 weeks. I noticed a difference within days. Now I am at the point where I feel nothing. I jogged everyday the first week i took it and i had NO PAIN. I am still wearing the band to put pressure but its more just in case than something I actually need. Maybe im a retard for taking it, but I do not regret it as of yet. Id actually recommend it. that is why i am blogging about it- so if youre suffering you can try it too!
Today I went for a 2 mile jog on the broadwalk at hollywood beach. It took 25 minutes. Thats pretty good! Ill upload a screen shot of the digifit results. Im telling you people- you need this APP! I also moved some boxes to my new apartment so itll be less to do when the time to really move comes.... thats no award winning workout but i can feel it in my arms! i purposely packed those boxes lol When I got home from my jog i made dinner. Tonight it was mashed cauliflower with onion and garlic, asparagus seasoned with Mrs.Dash, and a morningstar "turkey" burger. i think its hilarious they make veggie turkey burgers. The turkey burger is a fake of a hamburger and now we have a fake of the fake.... regardless it is delicious.
Ok everyone- hope you have a great week! im going to bust my ass to hopefully lose those 2lbs this week! going to start tomorrow off right with a kayak session in the morning :) goodnight!
So things have been good but not great. ive been eating great but my exercise game is off this week. I started taking a new sleeping pill and the good news is it knocks me out but i feel like i woke from the dead in the morning for like HOURS. so ive been working at my new job all week and the plan was to exercise before work, but i could barely get out of bed nevermind work out. Then when I get home at 10 or 11pm and my feet are killing me i just havent been in the mood. It is deff an excuse and I am aware of that. Im hoping to get back into my groove this weekend. i only took half a pill last night and feel much better this morning.
Last weekend like i said, i went for a walk with my 2 friends at the beach. the next night me and kelly went for a walk again and brought her son. it was only a 2 mile walk but my thighs and arms were killing me the next day because i had her 7 year old on my back the whole time. it was fun for him but made the workout much better for me!
im going to weigh in on saturday this week. im realllly hoping to be down to 185... but 2lbs in a week is a lot to ask for these days- when you consider i lost 6lbs the whole month of september. im not discouraged though. almost 100lbs in it is expected. besides, there were months i lost like 20lbs so i guess it all evens out. im averaging about 10lbs a month. originally i wanted to hit 184 by thanksgiving (next time ill be in MA) but now i really want it by Halloween. i know I can lose 3lbs by then. even if i lost 0 this week i would still have just under 2 weeks to lose 3lbs. i can do that!
about to go to work, another day another dollar! im not a sports coach or anything but my job is physically demanding in a sense. i know i am burning calories pulling on all that thick ass hair trying to blow it out, running from the parking garage because i dont want to be late, and then just standing constantly as well. i havent worn flats to work since april...... today i am wearing flats. i dont want to have an excuse not to exercise either tonight or tomorrow before work, my feet need some rest!
I bring snacks with me in my purse everywhere that way I can eat every time I'm hungry (about 2-3hours) and I am never tempted to eat junk to fill me up.
I always have almonds in my purse. Usually an apple or a pear too. Often times I have a lunch box in the car if I know I'm going to be out and about for a while. These are my snacks for work today. Ill eat all of that (hummus, veggies, low fat Greek yogurt w sugar free preserves) as well as my lunch (shiratki noodles, crumbles, tomatoes, mushroom & onion) while here. Sometimes I eat a fruit or nuts on my 45inute drive home because by the time dinner is done ill be starving.
Stop listening to the people that tell u if I want to lose weight u need to stop eating! LIES! You need to eat MORE- just better food options.
It's not weigh in day but I just really wanted to weigh in and I was pleasantly surprised! 189 was my goal for the week and its only weds!(I weigh on Saturday right now)
180s! Holy shit! Lol this is just crazy. I don't even have a memory of ever seeing this # on the scale before. It obv happens at some point hit bit was THAT long ago!
184lbs makes 100lbs lost. 185lbs puts me out of the obese category. So close!