First of all- fuck you instagram for having no character limit and refusing to post my caption. This was intended to be an Instagram post but has to go here because Instagram is an unfair little bitch at times :)
My friend @lanabella just found this picture in her camera from December. Her son was playing paparazzi while we were eating dinner one night. I LOVE this picture!!!! Why? Prepare for a novel.
When you're morbidly obese the world tells you "JUST STOP EATING!" So you begin to feel ashamed about something you HAVE to do to survive. When you're as big as I was, people obviously know you eat, but I had major issues eating around people. I would eat meals if everyone else was eating, but i would never eat alone in front of people, even if I truly hadn't eaten all day and was starving. There were times I needed to eat and instead of brining food where I was going, I'd stuff my face in the car before I went in so that I wouldn't have to wonder if anyone was thinking "why is she eating? She really should eat less". I felt like people were judging me, so I ate in private most of the time. The shame that brought on me contributed to emotional over eating and making more poor food choices and ultimately feeling MORE shame.
When I saw I had been tagged in this picture and it was showing up on my newsfeed, the first thing I realized was that I wasn't ashamed of it- and all of Facebook was seeing me eat! I'm just now realizing what a big deal it is that I carry a lunch box around with me as eat in front of anyone, anywhere, anytime. I know I am eating right, I know I am eating for fuel, and I know I am eating on a schedule. I don't really care if anyone thinks I'm a fat ass for breaking out a meal in the middle of an event.
Before you judge an obese person, simply for eating, consider that food addiction is a real thing. I personally suffer from it. When I eat certain foods my brain reacts the way it would react if I were to take a tiny dose of HEROIN(if you want more info about this I suggest reading the book "Breaking The Food Seduction- Dr Neal Barnard). When an addict is trying to get clean, whether it be drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes, the average person needs to go cold turkey because if you give an addict a little bit of their drug of choice there body screams for more. When you have a food addiction it is not possible to go cold turkey. So every single day, a mimimum of three times, you have to willingly ingest your drug of choice and then fight the urges not to "get high" all damn day. If you are not a food or sugar addict you cannot begin to fathom what slow torture this is! So before you tell a fat person to simply "eat less" or "stop eating", consider what an ignorant and insensitive statement that is & keep it to yourself! #foodaddict #fuckshame