Today i was so depressed that I actually considered quitting. Not because I cant do this, I know I can. But I feel almost as depressed as i was on a daily basis in a VERY low point in my life and i have no idea why the hell i would put myself thru torture like this. I have no patience. I am snapping on people. I am crying multiple times a day. It is not at all fun. One of the girls in my challenge group went thru this last week when she considered quitting. The other girl is going thru it with me this week. I posted in the facebook support group and got really good feedback, just reminding me this is all temporary and the positive effects this reset will have on my life and body are so much greater than what negative i feel right now.
I really want to do a REAL workout. i wanted to walk my half marathon training distances, but unfortunately my schedule does not allow HOURS to dedicate to working out. I am running like 6-10 miles and i just dont have time to do a leisurely walk that far. Supposedly, post reset i will be able to run faster and longer and workout harder, and thats exactly what i intend to do. But skipping working out is really making me feel like shit. I didnt realize how good it made me feel until it was gone. I considered blogging my feelings live this afternoon when i wanted to run into traffic (ok, im kidding it wasnt that bad) but i was feeling bad enough that i would probably discourage anyone from every trying this again LOL just be aware if at the end of this i am saying it is WORTH IT, than that means i feel AMAZING, to make feeling this crappy "worth it".
one thing about the reset is i am rarely hungry. I realized i eat out of habit rather than hunger. nights are the hardest. I want a snack so bad every single night. Its not that i am hungry after dinner, its just a habit. actually, ive only been hungry after dinner a few times when i had to stay up later than anticipated or had to eat early due to scheduling. Ive had a snack after dinner every night my entire life. as a kid and even at my healthiest as an adult. of course i have a much healthier option these days, but i still get that little snack in. No bed time snacks on reset! and i miss them. maybe by the end of this i will have cut my bedtime snack habit, or maybe i will be having one day 22 lol. i was a kid with a struggling mom when i was little so it very well may have been her wanting to make SURE we never went to bed hungry that started our bed time snacks. then i grew up and was very broke for sometime and i felt like i was failing at life, because i went to bed hungry a few nights. you always hear the phrase "millions of children go to bed hungry!" so we think of going to bed hungry as a horrible thing! on the reset i havent really been hungry but in life in general, if i feel the tiniest tinge of hunger before bed, i eat. i dont want to go to bed hungry! but recently i saw bob harper (biggest loser trainer) on a talk show and he said GO TO BED HUNGRY! if its bed time and your belly growls, ignore it! go to bed! its better to be hungry and asleep than have JUST eaten an sleep. The reset is helping me put that in practice.
ive had a lot of stressful thoughts about life in general today, but im pretty sure its just the reset fucking with me so i am going to hold off on voicing them.
My new UP band finally came in yesterday. I got to sleep with it last night and only woke up 1x to pee! i dont even want to know how many steps i took today. without my runs and workouts im sure its less than half of my norm and i dont even want to go there lol. maybe i shouldnt use it until im done re-setting after all. I dont want to get myself upset with a VISUAL of how much less i am working out.
my nose isnt stuffy. no body aches today. i have been taking an epsom salt bath and dry brushing every day, though. since starting phase 2 i have only pooped once a day, which is weird for me but common according to the masses on the FB support page. a lot of people dont even lose any weight on this phase. if i dont i will just have to remind myself of the awesome internal changes, and that this is not all about weight loss, even if thats the easiest way to gauge that something is happening!